How Divorce Effects Children & What You Can Do to Help

How Divorce Effects Children & What You Can Do to Help 

Welcome to "Old Ladies Know Stuff," where wisdom meets real-life challenges. I’m your host, Rhonda Stoppe, and today we’re diving into a topic that’s close to many hearts: how divorce affects children and what you can do to help. There’s a common belief that kids will be happier if parents are happy—even if that means splitting up—but decades of research, and years of personal experience as a pastor’s wife and youth minister, show us the real impact divorce can have on young lives.

In this episode, we’ll unpack both the short-term and long-term effects of divorce on children, exploring feelings of insecurity, rejection, resentment, and even financial stress. We’ll talk about practical steps parents can take to support their kids, ways mentors and community can make a difference, and the spiritual implications that often go overlooked. Whether you’re already divorced, considering it, or searching for hope and healing for your family, this is a safe space to find encouragement, resources, and honest conversation—no shame, no judgment. Just heartfelt advice from someone who’s walked alongside countless families on this journey.

Let’s come together to learn, support one another, and discover how, even amid brokenness, there’s hope for joy, restoration, and a brighter future for our children.

This is a popular article Rhonda wrote for Crosswalk.com  

Be encouraged as she reads the article with insights you may not have considered  

Read the article here: https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/divorce-and-remarriage/what-are-the-negative-effects-of-divorce-on-children.html

The Powerful Effect Divorce Has Upon Children by Rhonda Stoppe 

Keywords: divorce effects on children, emotional impact of divorce, long term effects of divorce, short term effects of divorce, child insecurity after divorce, feelings of rejection in children, blended families, fatherlessness, children’s mental health, poverty after divorce, behavioral problems in children, parental conflict, ministry to divorced families, Christian perspective on divorce, remarriage effects on children, child resentment, coping with divorce, child responsibility for divorce, healing after divorce, spiritual implications of divorce, family structure impact, academic well-being of children, church support for divorced families, role models for children, financial difficulties after divorce, youth ministry and divorce, motherless children, counseling for divorce, support for custodial parents, grief and loss in children, hope after divorce

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"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:02]:
The Powerful Effects of Divorce on children let's unpack this. The kids will be happier if their parents are happy, so divorce may be the better option was a common myth from days gone by. But now, through tremendous amount of research on how divorce affects children, this idea seems a bit archaic. Most people would agree that divorce has immediate and long term negative effects on children. However, amidst marital conflict, it is often difficult for a couple to consider or even evaluate the pain that their children will experience after a divorce. I'm not an expert on the topic of divorce's influence upon children. However, in 36 years as a pastor's wife, 18 years of youth ministry, I've observed effects on kids that are consistent with research I've done in preparing for this article. After reading countless expert research pieces and statistics recounting the short and long term effects of divorce upon children, my goal is to help you glean an overview of that research.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:09]:
My goal is not to simply list off all the negative versus positive influence divorce has on kids. My desire is to sit down with you as an older mentor because old ladies know stuff. That's the name of my podcast to chat with you about this subject and to offer you help and hope who might be Asking this question? While considering the readership of this piece, I've compiled a list of who might be thinking they need to take time to read it. If you're reading the article, I expect that you are either already divorced and concerned about its effects on your kids, or considering leaving your spouse but worried about the influence that it will have upon your child's emotional and physical well being as well as on their social development. Or you might be looking for hope after a divorce and you might be researching for ways to help your children not become yet another negative statistic. You might be a minister to children and you want to better equip yourself to help divorced parents direct their children toward the hope of the Gospel and new life in Christ, which is more powerful than any negative effect that their parents divorce might have upon them. Or you might be looking for an argument. I hesitate to add this point, but the truth is, when I publish an article that is so close to home for many readers, I usually get a lot of comments from people who are offended at the suggestion that their action actions might have had a negative impact on someone else.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:34]:
So if this is you, please know the purpose of this article is not to bait you into an argument, nor to shame you or offend you or to make you feel guilty. My goal in writing this article is to genuinely help Connect divorced parents with experts who can help them guide their kids with wisdom through the possible repercussions of divorce and to encourage married couples to do whatever it takes to heal their broken marriage and make their home a place of joy and peace that will reap positive long term fruit. Consider this insight from a quarterly report Nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well being of children demonstrates that children living with their married biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional and academic well being what are the Short Term Effects of Divorce on Children? There are many short term influences on children of divorced parents. In this section we will chat about what divorced parents can do in to offset some of those negative impacts. And if you're considering divorce, please take time to consider only a few effects your child will likely face. Number one Feelings of Insecurity One expert explains that children, quote, have the attitude that their parents should be able to work through and solve any issues. Parents who have given the children life are perceived by the children as very competent people with supernatural abilities to meet the needs of the children. No problem should be so great for their parents to handle.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:12]:
For a child, divorce shatters that basic safety and belief concerning their parents ability to care for them and to make decisions that truly consider their well being. End quote Number two Feelings of rejection Children tend to feel rejected by the parent who left and the parent that starts another family with someone else. The feelings of rejection may intensify in my own experience as a child whose parents divorced after I was an adult, I still remember battling feelings of betrayal and rejection when both of my parents started new families with new spouses. If the experience was so painful and difficult for me as an adult with my own family, I can only imagine how a child or teen would feel if they perceive their parents new family as a threat to their relationship with their own parents. When your child is processing feelings of rejection, it's important to get them to talk to you about what they're feeling. Depending on your child's temperament, they may withdraw or they may lash out. Let either be a sign as an opportunity for you to help them unpack their own feelings and understand why they're acting out. Sometimes the child will feel the need to protect you so they won't freely tell you what's going on in their heart.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:27]:
The Focus on the Family article entitled Divorce and Its Impact on Children offers this advice. Quote Children should also be encouraged and assisted to find other healthy mentors with whom they can be honest about their feelings and talk about the challenges that they're facing at home. Alert their teachers, their school counselors, youth leaders, or pastors to the situation. Draw in anyone else that you can think of who might be willing to fill that role in a godly manner in their lives. Having your child be a part of a healthy church family is vital to give them a sense of belonging. Not only can the church be a place of security and peace, but it will also show them examples of healthy marriages that honor Christ. And it can give them hope to one day enjoy their own happy marriage. Recent studies reveal that fatherlessness is is epidemic as 40% of children in America find themselves being raised in a home without their biological father.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:29]:
Children whose fathers are not in the picture can be encouraged by developing a relationship with a godly male role model. A Christian coach or a Christ honoring youth or children's pastor can fill that longing for a positive male role model. As a note, be very prayerful to consider and evaluate the people you allow to spend time with your children. Sadly, with so many church leader child abuse stories, parents are cautious and even reluctant to expose their kids to other adults. In my husband's 18 years of youth ministry, his policy was to never be alone with a child, a policy that I believe all youth and children ministers should adopt. This is a preventative measure that protects both the minister from accusation and the child from receiving inappropriate interaction. Number three Feelings of Resentment Children being raised in divorced homes often feel resentment toward both of their parents. As a word of caution, the least helpful thing you can do is to join in your child's misery by telling them how you resent your ex, their mom, or dad.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:37]:
Your resentment will induce more pain and insecurity in your child, and it will nurture sinful resentment in them that will lead to more trouble. QUOTE Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. As you and your child walk Chart I'm sorry. As you and your child walk these waters, refuse to look to your child as an emotional refuge for comfort. Specifically, don't allow your child to air grievances in I'm sorry, I'm going to say that again. Specifically, don't allow yourself to air grievances in your child's hearing. Certainly validate any hurt feelings that you might have towards your ex, but do not take time to use your child to vent about your own hurts. Don't lose heart when facing blended family situations.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:29]:
You're not alone in ministry. We've observed. Children in blended families do well when at least one of the parents offers loving support and attention along with prayer. Remind your child of God's deep love for them and his promise to to never leave them. Hebrews 13:5 for a biblical blended family resource, you can look up and follow Blended I'm sorry Family Life Blended Number four Feel Responsible Many children mistakenly believe that their behavior was the reason for their parents divorce. This misunderstanding adds to the child's sorrow, which is played out in a number of negative ways. Remind your child often that divorce was not their fault. I'm so sorry.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:15]:
Number five Feeling the Weight of Poverty since the custodial parent income drops dramatically, it's five times more likely the child in a divorced home will know the sting of financial difficulties and this can contribute to their feelings of anxiety and fear and worry. It's usually that they exchange one set of problems for another in marriage, where a whole new set of troubles in their singleness. Consider this reminder in Hosea 8:7 for they that sow the wind shall reap a whirlwind. Again, please realize I am not talking to the one who's divorced due to abuse or continual infidelity. While divorce may hold the same difficult repercussions for you and your children, to remain in an unsafe situation would be far worse of a consequence. Remember, God sees, He knows and he hears, and he promises to defend the fatherless or the motherless. What are the long term effects of a divorce on a child? There are many long term effects, but we're going to just unpack them quickly. Behavioral problems Physical or psychological depression or distress Lasting emotional trauma Loneliness Most experts agree that while parents can recuperate from divorce, children find it nearly impossible to recover.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:30]:
Consider this insight from a licensed counselor and a therapist, Stephen Earle. Full recovery is nearly impossible for children because of the dynamic nature of family life. While you and your ex spouse lives may go on separately with relatively little thought, your children will think about their loss almost every single day and 25 years after the fact, they will certainly be influenced by it. Life itself will remind them of the loss at even the happiest moments. What are the spiritual implications? The final and most in my opinion, the most important consequence is the spiritual implication of divorce on a child. While children not raised by Christian parents are often ready to hear and respond to the gospel after their parents divorce, kids raised in a Christian home may end up rejecting their parents faith. The hypocrisy and loss of trust that a child experiences can negatively affect their belief in God and and caused them to doubt the existence of a savior who didn't have the power to save their parents marriage. In our book the Marriage Mentor and the videos that go with that, there's a free place for you to start to heal your marriage.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:38]:
If you're contemplating divorce, find help. Look for godly counselors Malachi 2:16 reminds God's people to honor our covenant in marriage that we might produce a godly seed in more than three decades, decades of ministry, my husband and I have observed the unfortunate rebellion and repercussions of divorce that it has had on families. When Satan means for evil, God can use it for good. So don't lose heart. We've also seen many amazing godly children raised by parents who turned in wholehearted, devoted pursuit of Christ in spite of their failed marriage. Your trials are not always about you. I firmly believe that any difficulty you endure with your eyes fixed on Jesus can be a light that God can use to draw your children to genuine salvation and trust in Christ as the only source for security and joy. Don't get discouraged if you're already divorced, but please know that with God all things are possible.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:38]:
And no matter what the reason for your divorce, God doesn't see your kids as a statistic. He knows how much pain divorce has brought into their little hearts and he is the one who can turn their sorrow to joy. Because God does promise to work all things together for good to those who love him, to those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 I hope this has helped you and encouraged you. Again, this article was not to bring shame to anyone who's already divorced. There are more. I can't. I skipped through the article because it was kind of long.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:08]:
But there are more resources and links in the article that you can find for help, for encouragement, and for help for your kids. Thanks so much. Have a wonderful day and I'm praying for you and I'm praying for your marriage.