How to Lose The Script in Your Head with Rhonda Stoppe

How to Lose the Mental Script You Have in Your Head. Rhonda Stoppe shares insights from a popular article she wrote for Crosswalk.com 

Rhonda Says, "You know that mantra that plays on repeat in the back of your brain. The one that might have been implanted from childhood? "You're not smart. They'll abandon you. You're fat. You'll never amount to anything." Yea. That one. Even when we grow up and know the Truth, it takes concerted effort to retrain your brain away from stinkin' thinkin' about who you are, and what is your worth." 

In this episode of Old Ladies Know Stuff, Rhonda Stoppe shares insights to help you break free from regretful thoughts that might be holding you back in order to embrace the grace filled life God has for you.

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Article Mentioned:

How to Lose the Script Your Parents Gave You by Rhonda Stoppe for Crosswalk.com (June 28, 2023)

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"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:01]:
Friends, welcome to another episode of Old Ladies Know Stuff podcast. I'm so excited that you're here with me. I am in the middle of all kinds of crazy deadlines. I'm trying to finish a book that I've signed a contract with Harvest House for my new book. It's due May 15 if I have to write two chapters a month between now and May in order to get it done. So prayers appreciated. I'm halfway there. So in the meantime, I didn't wanna miss an opportunity to connect with you on this episode of Old ladies Know Stuff Podcast.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:33]:
Today, we're gonna be talking about how to lose the mental script you have in your head from childhood. You know, the script that everyone has that mantra rolling around in our mind. You're you're too fat. You're not smart enough. You're gonna be abandoned like everybody else has abandoned you. You're not worth loving. You're maybe the most important person in the room, and you maybe you're the mean girl that treats everybody badly because you think that, you're more important than they are. And you know it's not in line with godly character, but it might be a script that's rolling around in your head.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:10]:
Well, I wrote an article for crosswalk.com, and I wanna just unpack this article because I feel like it got tons of views and it's a very, practical thing that all of us face. So let's just jump right into this. You're so lazy. You'll never amount to anything. Because Carl's mother had said those words to him so many times, he long ago accepted them. He lost his incentive to try to please her or to please anyone else for that matter. Carl's father was an abusive alcoholic who made me cry, never offered any words of encouragement. The summer that Carl turned 15, he went to work at his uncle's ranch.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:52]:
Carl admired the gruff old Christian cowboy. He He found himself wanting to be very much like this uncle and gain his approval. As Carl worked alongside of his uncle, he found such great satisfaction at the end of every day when his uncle, a man of very few words, would look over and just say to the boy, you done good. Boy, you done good. Carl would go to sleep at night rehearsing that phrase over and over in his head. Although Carl's muscles ached from the labor of that day, his heart was at rest, maybe for the first time in his whole life. When Carl had free time, he carved on a broken piece of barn wood. Boy, you done good.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:37]:
Carl would have been embarrassed if his uncle saw his little plaque, so he tucked it away for safekeeping. When it was time for Carl to return home, he kinda grew anxious and upset. He knew that his parents would not welcome him warmly. He resolved not to tell them about the work that he had done for his uncle. He was certain their response would not be uplifting and he just couldn't bear the sting of that. Once Carl was home, things were different. His circumstances hadn't changed, but he had changed. He was not the same insecure boy who left home that summer.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:11]:
Somehow, having his uncle's approval was what Carl needed to change the trajectory of his life. From that summer on, Carl turned over a new leaf. Up to that point, Carl had been insecure and unable to see himself as anything more than a lazy loser according to the script that his parents had planted in his head. But Carl's experience with his uncle, that gave him the courage to begin working odd jobs, and when he earned enough money to buy himself acceptable clothing his parents ignored his accomplishments. Carl went into his room fighting back feelings of inadequacy, but then Carl's courage returned when his gaze fell upon the little plaque that he had engraved for himself. Somehow reading his uncle's words flooded back into his mind. He thought, My uncle believes I can do good. Then I will do good.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:05]:
Boy, you done good. Carl drifted off to sleep anticipating next summer when he would work with his uncle and once again hear his uncle say to him, Boy, you done good. The voice in your head. Why is it that that voice in our heads can make or break us? For some like Carl, hurtful scripts can be crushing. For others, if their parents spoke words of affirmation, there's a good chance that they did feel loved and appreciated, maybe too appreciated. Parents can give their kids an over inflated ego if their compliments aren't coupled with wisdom. What about you? Were your parents absent or neglectful like Carl's parents? Did their words beat you down? Or perhaps your parents uplifted you to the point of arrogance while pushing you toward perfection. Here are just some common scripts that people struggle with.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:01]:
You'll never amount to anything. You're smart, so you must push to perfection. You need a man to make you feel valued. You are an independent woman, you don't need to rely on any man. Do whatever it takes to win. Never trust another woman. Getting rich is the key to success. Don't even try because you'll fail anyway.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:27]:
What's the voice in your head? What script do you play over and over that influences your worldview and your self perception? Finding your identity in the voice in your head can be sometimes troublesome if it's not grounded in God's wisdom and love. So what can you do about it? How can you and I lose the script that your parents might have given you in place of what is right thinking? Let's unpack this, shall we? Number one, discover who you are. Whether the script in your mind tells you you'll never amount to anything or you are exceptional, so you must push for perfection. With God's help, you can discern deceptions imprinted from your upbringing and discover who you really are in Christ. If you have repented of your sins and are wholeheartedly surrendered to Jesus, then you my friend have been made new. Your identity is in Christ. Second Corinthians three five says, your sufficiency is from God. In Christ alone, God views you as his child, and he adores you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:34]:
Let this extraordinary concept wash over you. Number two, study scripture. Whoever of you think you are I'm sorry. I'm gonna say it again. Whoever you think you are will be distorted without seeing yourself through the father's eyes. You will never see yourself more clearly than through the lens of scripture is a quote from one of my books. This means studying the Bible is the key to realizing your worth. Washing your mind with truth is the secret to undoing whatever distorted concept you have of yourself.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:14]:
So, if you're too busy to study the Bible, for you my friend are too busy. This practice is essential to lose the script in your head because God's word is quick and powerful and it will help you discern the thoughts and intents of your heart. That's found in Hebrews four twelve. Number three, memorize scripture. Psalm one nineteen eleven says, your word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against God. Memorizing scripture is essential to redirect self promoting or self destructive thinking. I'm gonna say that again because it's so important. Memorizing scripture is essential to redirect self promoting or self destructive thinking.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:02]:
Your own sinful nature and Satan can use your parents' words to imprint upon you an ungodly sense of self worth. Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps to unthink the script in your head is not an effective course of action. You, my friend, must arm yourself with the sword of the word. It is your defensive weapon for warfare warfare, excuse me. In my own experience rehearsing scriptures that I have memorized always leads to victory over wrong thinking. I believe this practice will help you too. Number four, seek out godly mentors because hashtag old ladies know stuff. I know I chant that mantra all the time, but I cannot tell you enough the value of finding Titus two women that will pour truth into you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:53]:
God has given you the body of Christ to give you a place to grow. Fellowshipping regularly with a church family of fellow sojourners will uplift you. Attend those Bible studies in those small groups so that you can become involved and transparent with other believers. Don't pretend that you have it all together or hide behind your insecurities, this will not help you create genuine relationships with people who can help you. Ask trusted friends to pray for you, this is vital in your battle against your mind. Inviting prayer support is not only wise it is essential as you wrestle against unbiblical thinking. Whatever that script is that's in your head and whatever it has brought to you whether it's arrogance or despair God doesn't want you to stay stuck there. He saved you for himself and he has a plan for your life.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:55]:
Take the next step. The sooner you resolve to renew your mind in truth, the better, my friend, you will be equipped to live out God's purpose in your life. You will see yourself through the lens of His word and you will feel treasured for who you are in Christ. Discovering who you really are in Christ while you study and memorize scripture and fellowship with other believers who have found their worth in their relationship with Christ is the secret to your victory. And like the influence of Carl's uncle that he had upon him, when you invite godly mentors into your life, they can uplift you and they can help you replace a deceptive script with triumphant truth. And let me just tell you, this is also holds true for your children. If you have children that are struggling with rejection, maybe their dad's not there taking a part in raising them, maybe he undermines them, maybe dad is in the home but his his ways that he deals with the kids is harsh or hurtful or maybe it's a perfectionism attitude, you begin with you. Unpack the this and know how you can learn to reframe the voice in your head because Jesus said the student becomes like his teacher, not like we preach at them to become, but like they see us living out our faith, living out our understanding of our worth because the Bible says that God adores you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:25]:
He loved you so much that he sent his son Jesus to prove his love for you. God commended his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. When you live with your eyes gazing upon your savior and transferring those thoughts that are in your mind, replacing them with what is good, right, honorable, and praiseworthy, then the word of God that is quick and powerful and sharper than a two edged sword will cut away those deceptive thoughts. It will even reveal them to you. You may not even know that you are being influenced by a script that you have in your head, but the spirit is so willing. If you be quiet in his presence, be still, know that he is God, wash your mind with the water of the word seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness holding out the perception of who you've been told that you were from the time you were a baby and knowing that God says you have been loved with an everlasting love. You have been adored by the very king of kings and the lord of lords. And God sent his son to purchase you for his treasure with the very blood of his very own son.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:44]:
That's where you find your worth. That's where you find your value. That's where you find your joy. And I promise you friend if you live in this way daily battling that mantra that's playing in your mind, daily washing your mind with truth, daily memorizing scripture and using it as the the warfare, the weapon of warfare against the lies of the enemy who comes to steal, kill, and destroy you, you will have victory one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You will find your worth in the adoration of the very one who created you to know him and to love him with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And when you live like that, I promise you, you will live a life without regrets. Thank you so much for hanging with me for these few minutes while we talked about how you can lose that mental script from your childhood. If this has helped you, send it on to someone else.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:41]:
Subscribe to my podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Share it with your friends. When you see it in my social media, tag somebody that you care about, put it in your stories. You can help me help others build a no regrets life just by helping me share this podcast. I want you to know how much I appreciate you, and I want you to go to my website. For those of you that I met just recently at the at the, grandparenting summit, and for those of you that did not go, you can go to my website, noregretswoman.com, and you can find a free link. I'm trying to find my website. You can find a free link to my, my ebook, Grandparenting Without Regrets.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:14:22]:
It's free, totally free. And for just a limited time, you can find it on my website homepage noregretswoman.com. And also if you text the number 55444 to text the word NOREGRETS to 55444, you will get a free resource there. I give away so many resources because I love you guys, and I don't want to have anybody not be able to hear or learn from the resources I've provided because you can't afford it. So I try to make as much as I possibly can available to you at no cost to you. And finally, I am traveling to Focus on the Family with Stoppe at the end of this month to do some more interviews at focus on the family for my book, my audiobook, If My Husband Would Change, I'd Be Happy and Other Myths, Wives Believe.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:15:16]:
You can get that audiobook wherever you download your audiobooks. And I think right now, if you download Audible for free, you can get a copy of If My Husband Would Change, I'd be Happy. Thanks so much, friends, for joining me. Help me help your friends build a no regrets life. And I'll see you in the next episode. Have a great day.