Are You Sabotaging the Happiness in Your Marriage? with Monica Swanson

This is a special episode where Rhonda Stoppe @ Old Ladies Knows Stuff and Monica Swanson @ The Monica Swanson Podcast join forces to create a power packed one hour episode to air on both of their shows! How Cool is that?

Article: 7 Attitudes that Will Sabotage Your Marriage by Monica Swanson

Monicas's Bio:

BIO: 
Monica Swanson is a popular blogger (monicaswanson.com),host of the Monica Swanson Podcast (formerly the Boy Mom 
podcast), and author ofBoy Mom, Raising Amazing and her newest book, Becoming Homeschoolers.  
Born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, Monica graduated from Pepperdine University and earned her teaching credential from Linfield College. Monica has a bachelor's degree in sports medicine and has spent much of her life as a personal coach and trainer. She and her doctor-husband, Dave, have one college graduate son, one son in college, another son surfing professionally and taking college classes online, and a 14-year-old son – all of whom were homeschooled by Monica. The Swanson family enjoys growing tropical fruit at their family home in the country on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii. 

Monica's Books:

Boy Mom

Raising Amazing

Becoming Homeschoolers

Monica's Resources & Courses

Women's Wellness

The Marriage Builder Bundle

Thank you for joining us. Please SUBSCRIBE & SHARE
Sign up for Rhonda's Monthly Newsletter @ NoRegretsWoman.com
CONNECT with Rhonda @RhondaStoppe
Facebook Page: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman
NoRegretsWoman.com

"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:02]:
Friends, this is a special day because not only are you listening to the episode of Old Ladies Know Stuff podcast, but I've teamed up with my dear friend, Monica Swanson, for her podcast also. So I'm gonna jump in and I'm gonna tell you who I am, and then I'm gonna tell you who Monica is, and then she's gonna take it from there. I'm Rhonda Stoppe, no regrets woman, and this is for those of you that don't know me, because I help you build a no regrets life. And I have a passion to help pour into the lives of the next generation, lives that will reflect so powerfully the glory of the Lord that your children cannot resist your testimony of Christ in you, the hope of glory. And on this today's episode of old ladies no stuff podcast, I am going to be introducing my friend Monica. She is a popular blogger, monicaswanson.com is where you can find all of her stuff. She is the host of this episode of the Monica Swanson podcast formerly called the Boy Mom Podcast. I've been on that show before.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:09]:
I think we talked about our sons and dating. It would be like,

Speaker B [00:01:12]:
see me one of you. I haven't

Monica Swanson [00:01:13]:
looked at it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:16]:
And and Monica is the author of some really wonderful resources. Boy mom, raising amazing, which I love that title. And she was on focus on the family for that book, and I'm telling you, don't miss it. Go back and Google that. And her newest book, Becoming Homeschoolers. Monica was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest. Monica graduated from Pepperdine University. My sister graduated from Pepperdine.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:41]:
And she earned her teaching credential from Linfield College. Monica has a bachelor's degree in sports medicine and has spent much of her life as a personal coach and trainer. She and her doctor husband, Dave, have one college graduate son. I can't believe he graduated all the way all already.

Monica Swanson [00:01:58]:
But There's actually two now. I need to update my bio

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:00]:
that two graduating sons have graduated. Wow. We've been friends a long time.

Monica Swanson [00:02:05]:
I know.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:05]:
And another son surfing I almost said suffering professionally. It's surfing professionally and taking college classes online. And a 14 year old son, all of whom were homeschooled by Monica. Yay. The Swanson family enjoys growing tropical fruit at their family home in the country on the North Shore Of Oahu, Hawaii, which is where my son lives. And last time he was out visiting his family, we didn't connect. But next time,

Monica Swanson [00:02:33]:
we We're gonna

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:34]:
will do that Yeah. For sure. So I'm happy to have you on on this episode of old ladies know stuff, and I'm super excited for you to introduce your episode of the Monica Swanson podcast.

Monica Swanson [00:02:45]:
Cute. Isn't this fun? We're, like Yes. Double dipping all at once, sharing both places. And, again, you have been on my podcast before. But for my listeners who don't know you, can you go ahead and give a quick intro to yourself? So That's a good one.

Speaker B [00:03:01]:
We're all

Monica Swanson [00:03:01]:
on the same plate that way. Yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:04]:
Let's see. I have four adult children, all married happily. They have 15 grandchildren, which I am going to Birmingham, Alabama this week to be the MC for the grandparenting summit. So if you're a grandparent and you wanna be a part of that summit, you can go to bring Birmingham or they have host sites. Literally 7,000 grandparents will be tuning in for

Monica Swanson [00:03:26]:
Oh my goodness.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:26]:
Amazing summit. It's fantastic. And being a grandmother is my obsessive compulsive disorder. I absolutely love being a grandma. And I am an author of seven books, including my bestseller, Moms Raising Sons to be Men Mhmm. Which came out read the ten year anniversary edition came out in 2023. The audiobook came out. And then my book, If My Husband Would Change, I'd Be Happy and Other Myths Wives Believe just came out the audio release of it, this month.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:58]:
So I'm still on a book tour for that. And I'm leaving next week to go to Focus on the Family to talk about if my husband would change, I'd be happy and other myths, wives, believe. And I'm gonna tell all my friends at Focus on the Family that my friend Monica said hello because I know you are such a such a favorite guest for them also.

Monica Swanson [00:04:15]:
Please do. How many times have you been on Focus? You've been there a lot.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:20]:
I've been there a number of times. Praise the lord. Such a gift. I got to speak at their chapel service too, which was Wow. Super fun. Yeah. And, my son Brandon joined me for two episodes of moms raising sons to be men. That was so fun.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:34]:
Brandon just turned 37 yesterday. He's got four children of his own. He's a worship pastor. And honestly, he's not my talker. You know, he you've got other sons. You know, I got one son that's a fighter pilot in the air force. I mean, he just retired and he's the talker and Brandon's the quiet musician. But the things that he unfolded during that interview with focus on the family, I didn't even I've never heard him share some of those things from his childhood, and some of it were kinda hard to hear.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:01]:
He was special needs as a boy. He had epilepsy, and he they had put him on special ed at school. In fact, that's what motivated me to pull him out and homeschool him because they he was being made to feel dumb. And I'm like, this is a bright, brilliant boy that I'm not gonna let this label follow him. But, yeah, you can, listen to those episodes. And then Steve joined me on some episodes for creating a no regrets marriage. So been out there several times. Love it, and I'm excited I'm going out again.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:27]:
So one of these days maybe you and I could be on there together.

Monica Swanson [00:05:31]:
Oh, let's let's talk. And another fun fact speaking of focus on the families as this comes out on my podcast, I believe the very next week, Jim Daley is on my podcast. I interviewed him Super cool. About his kinda life story and his childhood, which is wild, and how he got to where he is now. So that was really fun and kinda different.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:54]:
Yeah. Yeah. And he he relates well to my oldest son who was my foster child that moved into our family when he was 15 years old. So, yeah, they have a lot of similarities there too. So great. Amazing. So here we are. And I was telling you, I just got over being sick, so I'm pushing through.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:10]:
I don't think I'm gonna have a coughing fit, but if I do, I'll mute it and you just take it and

Speaker B [00:06:14]:
run with it. I bet.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:16]:
So what I really would love to do is to start out by just talking about your marriage builder bundle that you have available. It's a small collection of marriage resources, and we can find it. Go follow Monica Swanson on Instagram and click on her link tree in her bio, and you will see the marriage bundle builder there. Yes. That's a great place, and that's a great place to find all of your resources. That's actually where I stay connected with you, and that's how I've watched your sons grow up and all the things in your life. And and I watched you grow out your bangs when you're

Monica Swanson [00:06:52]:
Oh my god. A big life event. I love it. No. Social media has its positive qualities as well. You know, we we all groan and complain about social media, but thank god because there's a lot of good in it too. So, yes, find me, say hello on Instagram, and, and I'll, of course, link to Rhonda in the show notes so you can find and follow her as well.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:15]:
So And I'll let you in on a little secret that's in my heart is that one day, Monica and I are gonna do a women's event on Oahu. My son lives there. She lives there. There's no reason why we can't do something there. So the Lord has to open that door and make it happen, but it's in my heart. You know it's gonna happen. It's gonna be so great.

Monica Swanson [00:07:32]:
Yep. I love it. Well, let's let's start talking.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:36]:
Yes. For sure. I'm I'm not good at event planning. I'm a I'm the idea person.

Monica Swanson [00:07:40]:
So Well, there's somebody out there because I'm not either, but somebody out there could come alongside us. Yes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:45]:
Aloha. Aloha, Oahu person who is an event planner who loves Jesus.

Monica Swanson [00:07:50]:
There we go. It's it's all in God's timing.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:53]:
It certainly is. Alright. Let's jump into an article that you wrote. I love this article. It is called seven attitudes that will sabotage your marriage

Speaker B [00:08:04]:
Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:05]:
And seven to replace them. Talk to me about this article, and then we'll jump into the seven, intro of the article. What motivated you to write it?

Monica Swanson [00:08:14]:
Absolutely. Well, you know, first of all, I'm just gonna say I love blogging. I go back. I've been doing the online writing thing for fourteen years, but I miss I don't get to blog much anymore because, like you, I'm writing books and podcasting, but I love short articles. So this is an article from years ago, but I've gone in and done some minor updates, but it's short and sweet. I think this came about because I've been talking about parenting a lot, talking about raising boys, talking about all of that, and then, had a couple friends whose marriages kinda dissolved. And and some of them surprised me. And then I looked back and I thought, you know, what could I see it coming? I thought I was surprised, but when I started to really ponder some of the history there, I was like, well, you know, there were probably some red flags, some signs that I didn't want to acknowledge before.

Monica Swanson [00:09:06]:
And, you know, not that I could have saved my friends' marriages, but I realized how, just significant our attitudes are, our perspective, how on any given day, I can take something my husband does or doesn't do or some circumstance, and I can decide in that moment to either pull away, blame, be critical, all the things we can touch on, or I can shift my perspective. I can trust God. I can look at it through a lens of faith, and it is radical how different our attitudes can can make everything seem like we one little shift and everything looks different. And so I wrote this years ago and really got some good feedback from people who are, like, you know, really needed it, or realized they needed it a few years ago. And so, again, it's it's not probably anything new. It's just some reminders that I still need today.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:00]:
Yeah. You know, my parents were teenagers when they got married, and, my mom was a teen mom, and I'm so grateful that she chose to have me. And, but they did not know the Lord when they got married. And my dad came to Christ when I was about four, and it really changed the security and trajectory of our family. But, you know, my mom really never came to Christ till about six months before she passed away, and they were married for thirty five years. And when I read this article, I was so wishing that someone could have put this into the hands of my mom. And I remember at 17 years old, sitting on the edge of my mother's bed, I was a junior, maybe a senior in high school, and I said, mom, I'm gonna cry. You're gonna lose dad.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:43]:
You're gonna lose him. And she cried. And she said, I know. I just don't know how to change. Will you help me? And I'm like, mom, I'm your daughter. I'm 17. I'm your daughter. I can't help you change.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:57]:
Go get help. Go to your pastor's wife. Go to those ladies' bible studies. So what I had seen in my own family is when we were growing up is when my dad came to Christ, we started going to church and just moved into mainstream Christianity. And my parents looked around at what Christian marriages were supposed to look like, and that is what it looked like out there.

Monica Swanson [00:11:18]:
Mhmm. Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:19]:
But at home, there wasn't a lot of fighting and arguing, but it was just those undercurrent of of attitudes and silent treatment and all the things that I watched unravel. And and as a kid, that affects your own security. That affects your own, like, oh, boy. What what could happen? You know, when's the next shoe gonna drop? And yeah. So so the value when I read this article, I was like, I know, you know, my mom, she didn't know. She was just a teenager that got married at 15 and tried to figure it out. She didn't she wasn't raised with a good godly parent example. Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:56]:
She didn't know. She wasn't a bad person. She was not equipped. So that's what I love about this article.

Speaker B [00:12:03]:
Yes. Oh, what a story. That's profound. I hadn't heard that. So I I mean

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:09]:
I don't share it that often because it's kinda her story, but she's gone home to be with the Lord. And I actually led her to the Lord six months before she died, and it was so so sweet. So I feel like now her story can do some good, and I can just right.

Monica Swanson [00:12:24]:
There's redemption. Yes. Yeah. For sure. But I think that's so often the case that, you know, nobody chooses to wake up one day and say, I'm gonna have a bad attitude in my marriage today. It's it's this there's so many things that we will never drift towards holiness. We will never drift towards a positive outlook. The drift is always gonna be as long as, you know, Satan is the ruler of this world.

Monica Swanson [00:12:48]:
We're gonna be drifting towards all of the sinful nature, but we can make choices to work against that. We can make choices, and God will show up every time we just begin to even turn towards him and truth in his ways. But it does take that shift. It does take some intentionality on our part. So yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:09]:
Yeah. And that's where old ladies know stuff. Titus two, older women, God calls us to teach the younger. And when we share from our own failures and successes, we are handing the baton to the next generation. And my mom just didn't have that. And my mom didn't seek it out. My mom was very private with what was going on behind closed doors, so she never stepped out into what really would have helped her. And and that's, you know, I know for my audience and Monica for your audience, we wanna encourage you The journey woman plan that God has for you, the apprentice, as the younger wife and mother is old ladies know stuff, and he wants you to make friends with older women.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:51]:
Yes. You can go to those ladies bible studies with those 20 all day long. That's great. Share your potty training, you know, adventures and share the smoothie that you make for lunch and all those things. But you need to go to the to the, bible studies with those blue haired nannas because they have stories, and they are the ones that can really help you unpack even your own self worship. Right? Because those bad attitudes are so often just worshiping myself over worshiping the lord. Right? Yes.

Monica Swanson [00:14:19]:
Absolutely. Yes. Don't don't hesitate. I mean, anyone listening right now, if you haven't taken that step to reach out to somebody to talk to an older woman in your life, in your church, do it today. Don't wait. I think that's some of the best advice you could

Speaker B [00:14:36]:
give. Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:14:37]:
God doesn't intend for us to do it alone, and he doesn't intend for us to fake it till we make it because it will break it. Right? Yes. You're so right. Yes. Yes. Alright. Tell us what's the first number one in this article.

Monica Swanson [00:14:53]:
Yes. Well and you're gonna find a little bit of overlap, but still. So number one, which you just kinda named, is pride. We that's, of course, you know, kind of the sin at the center of all sin is that just attitude of thinking somehow we're better than our spouse and that we, in any way, have our act together where they don't. And and, again, it's hard to see this in ourselves sometimes. We might say, oh, but it's my spouse who's proud. And that may be true, but still, you're you're responsible for you. So I think praying sometimes, asking God to reveal the intentions of your heart can be really difficult but important.

Monica Swanson [00:15:37]:
So pride is that first bad attitude, and we can trade it for humility. And that is just an honest evaluation of you and your spouse. And I think one of the best ways to walk in humility is just to remember what Christ has forgiven you for and just to sit before him and recognize the example he set, and that in all of your sin, in all of your ugliness, he has still loved you and forgiven you. And in light of that, like, sometimes we need to just sit in that for a minute and go, woah. Let the weight of your own sin kind of be in front of you for a moment. And in light of that, man, we can forgive anyone. I it's he has forgiven us for so much, and so I think that humility comes from a heart of appreciating what God has done for us. I don't know if you have anything to add to that, Rhonda.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:28]:
Well, I you know, what's at stake is your powerful prayer life. I mean, the Bible says the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous one accomplishes much.

Speaker B [00:16:36]:
Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:37]:
The opposite of that is a prideful prayer of complaining to the Lord accomplishes nothing. Mhmm. If God said if Jesus said in John 15, abide in me without abiding in him, you can do nothing. We can know that pride will keep us from abiding

Monica Swanson [00:16:55]:
in him. Mhmm. We may go

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:57]:
to and that's really the the name of my of this book, If My Husband Would Change, I'd Be Happy. And other myths why I believe is because we wanna believe that if he would he's the source of my happiness. If he would just measure up to my expectations, I will be happy. If he would just be like me, which is the ultimate pride. Right? If he would just put the toilet seat down, if he would just be more thoughtful, if he would just fill in the blank, if he would be like me. And one of the best ways I found to recognize my own pride, because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, is friendships with women that I've invited to speak truth into my life. I want those not everybody. I'm a pastor's wife, twenty five years at the same church.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:17:36]:
I don't want the whole church holding me accountable. Thank you. But my my close people, I want them to say, oh, Rhonda, that sounded prideful. We gotta evaluate that. That have the courage to invite some of those friends into your world. Right?

Monica Swanson [00:17:52]:
Yes. Oh, that's so good. And yeah. And I think that you just shared, you know, the toilet seat example, but I saw some on social media recently that the wife who's saying, oh, if you would just put your toilet seat down, and then they show a picture of our bathroom counter where most of us women are pretty guilty. Like, my husband's got maybe one or two things, and the rest is all me. And it's like, my sweet husband never points that out. He would never say, yeah. How about your 20 items on the you know? And so it's that reality check, but I love what you said.

Monica Swanson [00:18:26]:
It's it is so hard and so important to let people speak into your life and to invite them to is so much wisdom there. I love that. And and, a good verse to refer to if any of you wanna camp out on this pride and humility. I mean, I just go to Philippians chapter two where we look at Christ as that example, who is, you know, God but became man. And his example of humility, I think, is our greatest example. So

Rhonda Stoppe [00:18:51]:
Yes. I love that. And also make friends with married couples that you want to emulate. Yes. Right? Yes. Like, don't hang out with couples that the wife is mocking her husband publicly or undermining him in front of people. If you're doing that, you're making everyone in the room uncomfortable. I promise you that it is not making you look better if you put your husband down.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:19:15]:
It's not how this works. And your husband craves your respect more than anything else. And when you are mocking him or or sharing secrets that he really doesn't want anyone else to know, you're pulling the rug out from under him, and he can't trust. What is the, Proverbs, you know, his wife because he trusts in his wife. What is that? I that Proverbs 31 woman. He trusts in her, and you wanna be the wife that he trusts.

Monica Swanson [00:19:39]:
Yes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:19:39]:
Finding couples. I that's what we did. We found couples. We were in youth ministry at the time. So we could look around at couples of the the parents of our youth. And it's like, okay. Those people still hold hands when they walk into church. They still laugh at each their kids want their friends to come over to their house.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:19:55]:
I gotta know what those people know. And we made friends with older couples that we delighted in learning from their example.

Monica Swanson [00:20:03]:
Yes. Such such good advice there. I love that. That sounds just like what we did. So I'm, like, laughing thinking. Yes. We did the same thing.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:11]:
Oh, here. Let's put this up. Philippians two three. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but with humility, regard one another more important than yourself.

Speaker B [00:20:20]:
Mhmm.

Monica Swanson [00:20:21]:
Yep. And keep reading there because that just goes that's when I've I've tried to, memorize that whole section because I'm like, I need it. I need it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:30]:
Me too. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's so good. Alright. So let's do to move to this next one. Number two.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:37]:
Bad attitude number two.

Monica Swanson [00:20:39]:
Ungratefulness. Focusing on what your spouse does not do and overlooking all that they are doing so well. And, wow, this is so easy to do. We've got you know, most of us have our honey honey do list, and I will pick out that one or two things that haven't gotten done, and I'm overlooking so much that he does every single day. I'm feeling convicted even as I share this. And, of course, we can trade that in for gratitude. And and that again is a choice. It is choosing where to put your thoughts, directing, you know, you being the boss of your thought life, counting your blessing blessings and appreciating everything your spouse does do.

Monica Swanson [00:21:21]:
This might, be good to journal, to pray out loud, to speak those words to your husband, acknowledging what he has done and how much you appreciate him. Thankfulness is a choice, and I think it's it's, like, contagious. I mean, when we're grateful, everyone around us benefits from that. So yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:21:42]:
Yeah. And your children. Right? I mean, godliness with contentment is great gain. So when I am living it with gratitude, I'm gonna the Jesus said that student becomes like his teacher, not like the teacher harps on him to be, but like his teacher is. You're right. And if I am living with gratitude, an attitude of gratitude, Mhmm. That spills over into my children, and it makes it a familiar upbringing. Steve and I do premarital counseling with couples, and one of the things we talk about is what is your family of origin like? Yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:22:17]:
What is it like? And so that's your normal. And when you take two together, you're gonna create your own new normal. Let it be a place where both of you are thinking on what is good, right, honorable, praiseworthy. If if we're both doing that and having an attitude of gratitude, wow. God is going to do exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or imagine in and through our marriage and and it and it spills over into our kids. Right?

Monica Swanson [00:22:44]:
It does. Absolutely. And I do think that it can be a habit. I think all of these things, these attitudes, it it may take some time. It may take thirty, sixty days to practice them almost like a discipline. But if you can focus on gratitude and that can begin to become a normal, you know, just where you go automatically, oh my goodness. What a difference that will make in your life and in your marriage. Right.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:23:09]:
And the Bible says we have not because we ask not. So do you ask God? I know. I see this as a sin. And can we please call sin sin? Can we not say it's a habit and a mistake and it's like, oh, yes.

Speaker B [00:23:21]:
Can we just definitely say this habit has come out of a result of me practicing sin over and over again until I'm enslaved?

Rhonda Stoppe [00:23:25]:
I'm

Monica Swanson [00:23:30]:
enslaved to it. Yep.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:23:31]:
The only way you're gonna break it is with that power of the spirit. If you are born again and have the spirit of the most high God indwelling you, then he has given you a heart of flesh where there was once a heart of stone. And God has written his statutes on your heart and he will cause you to walk in his ways, but you have to ask God. I know I need help. I know I can't break this and I need help. And every day every day and, you know, it it's like before the words on your tongue, the Lord knows it full well. So it's in your mind and it starts to come out and the holy spirit will stop you and you have a choice to say it or not. And I oftentimes I say it anyway and have to repent.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:24:08]:
Right. Eventually, you'll get the victory before it comes out of your mouth. Eventually, this this thoughts will go away and be replaced with good thoughts.

Speaker B [00:24:17]:
Yep. Oh, that's so good. You're

Monica Swanson [00:24:20]:
you're nailing it. Yes. Yes. But the obedience comes first.

Speaker B [00:24:24]:
Yes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:24:25]:
It does. And it's not and not when you feel it, do it because it's the right thing to do, and the Lord will honor and bless your obedience. What's number three? Number three is irritation

Monica Swanson [00:24:38]:
and annoyance. And, you know, human nature, if you've spent time with anyone for a long time, that there's there is that, just tendency little things can get to you, and spouses will wear on one another over time. But it's our choice if we let it get to us or not. We can choose to be irritated or not. And, really, I say in the article that that allowing yourself to be annoyed is really a sign of your own immaturity. So it's on you if you're allowing yourself to be annoyed, and you can trade it for enjoyment and acceptance, learning to laugh at the things that could annoy you, trying to, appreciate the quirks and unique nuances in your spouse and recognizing that you too have a few of those. And just accepting that this person that God has given you, is is, somebody that you have the option to value and appreciate and build up, or you're gonna tear them down by your irritation. So, again, it it's on you how you decide to respond.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:25:48]:
Yes. And remember too that every twenty eight days, you're gonna be a little bit grouchy. If not, I was a mess. I had postpartum after my third child and then severe PMS. And and I'm telling you, it changed who I was and it was painful. And it was four years of wrestling with all I could basically do was keep my mouth from saying what I couldn't take back. Incredible. I had to find help.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:26:14]:
I went to an endocrinologist that helped me. It was a problem in my brain. It's in my family. And, also, I know that you are really, good about sharing good healthy eating habits. I know you have a book out. What's your book about weight losing weight?

Monica Swanson [00:26:30]:
Yes. The secret of your naturally skinny friends, which There

Rhonda Stoppe [00:26:35]:
you go.

Monica Swanson [00:26:35]:
The title is just to intrigue you the stories in the book. But yes, you're right. I do.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:26:41]:
And there's just a lot of, you know, just yeah. You can just chow on all that chocolate when you're craving it. You can. But it's definitely gonna take away all of your, your vitamin b. It it suppresses that. It puts your nerves on end. All of those things that you're doing, if you're not eating in a way that's gonna help your body, it is gonna reflect. You are gonna be truly irritated.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:27:02]:
I remember being truly someone I had never been before, and it was difficult. But if you need to get help, get help. Don't just push through and hope I hope your family just grins and bears it.

Monica Swanson [00:27:14]:
Right. Rhonda, I'm so glad you are bringing this up because this is something I've done some episodes, women's wellness topics, and we've talked about hormones. And I couldn't agree more that there is a time absolutely to talk to somebody and and perhaps there's something that, you know, you can do about this, medication or other things. But even for the average healthy, you know, woman who's going through everything normally, you're right. Every twenty eight days, you are likely to have a day or two where it's really, really hard. And so with that, let's be wise. Let's you know, you brought up the Proverbs, 31 woman, but I love that she was clothed with strength and dignity. What is dignity? What does it look like to go through PMS with dignity? Now it might be hard, but you can still make choices And you can even prepare your spouse by saying, hey.

Monica Swanson [00:28:05]:
I'm feeling it today. Like, I I could use a little extra grace. Maybe I need to get out for a walk. What can we do here to be, dignified as you walk through some of those hard seasons? So Yeah. So important. Even training I

Rhonda Stoppe [00:28:19]:
I had daughters too. Two sons, two daughters. Even training your daughters, like, I can remember my youngest. She was, poor thing, plagued with some PMS big time. And I would be like, there's no one to blame for how you're feeling. Don't look around for someone who's irritated you so you can say that's why I'm weeping today or that's why I've triggered today. If you do that, you're gonna take that into your marriage. Instead, recognize what your body's going through, acknowledge that you're on edge, and then adjust your busy schedule or do what you can to just get through those couple of days without unloading on someone because of how you're feeling.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:28:53]:
And it's no one's fault. It is a hormonal imbalance that is affecting the way you think. This too shall pass.

Monica Swanson [00:28:59]:
Yes. So good. So good. Alright. Ready for number four?

Rhonda Stoppe [00:29:03]:
Yes, please. Yes.

Monica Swanson [00:29:05]:
So we've got number four as unforgiveness, which, you know, keeping a record of wrongs, holding on to grudges, none of it will do you any good. And and I know that there are hurts in many marriages, and I understand that it can be really hard. That some of you listening probably have been through things beyond what I could imagine. But holding on to offenses is a choice you make. And you've probably heard the saying, you know, and forgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. So sometimes, yes, you need help. Sometimes you need restoration. You need to seek somebody to help you work through something if there's been harm done in marriage.

Monica Swanson [00:29:49]:
But once you've chosen forgiveness, once you are ready to move on, you've got to let it go, and you can trade it thankfully for forgiveness. And that's just another choice that you make. It doesn't mean that the memories or the feelings aren't there. It means you're making a choice to forgive just like Christ has forgiven you, and it'll set you free. Again, it might take some time to practice, but, certainly, forgiveness is the the path to freedom in your marriage.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:30:18]:
Mhmm. And, you know, I think of Joseph, and he said what you meant for evil, God used for good. And I wrote about a woman in my marriage book, The Marriage Mentor Becoming the Couple You Long to Be, which I think that's only a dollar 99 this week as an ebook if you wanna grab it. Wow. But the story this woman tells of how the man that she married really wasn't who she had hoped he would be. And after they were married for a while, there was a lot of conflict and harshness and and she asked the Lord to help her forgive him. Because the more she was holding on, the more it was driving a wedge between them and the more it was hurting her family and her children.

Speaker B [00:30:57]:
Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:30:58]:
And this woman gave this insight. She said, the Lord changed my heart toward my husband and I forgave him 70 times seven times and God never changed my husband. But when my kids grew up, they each married a godly spouse and they're raising their children to follow Christ. And this is what she said, I know couples that were happily married, Christian couples whose kids grew up and rebelled against their Christian upbringing. If my children needed to see what it looks like to unconditionally forgive and love someone, I'm not talking about abuse here. I'm not talking about that. If they needed to see that lived out in me so that it validated my testimony to them and drew them to Christ, get this lady. She said, I would do it all again.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:31:42]:
I would live it all again. And that's you know, we'll give our kids every advantage in life. We'll get them in in the sports. We'll get them into surfing. We'll get them into get their SAT scores up. We'll do all the things to help them succeed in the world. But sometimes what feels evil, God will use for good as it validates your hope in Christ alone.

Speaker B [00:32:04]:
What a testimony. That's huge.

Monica Swanson [00:32:07]:
Yeah. That's like yeah. I mean, that's really, really, where the rubber meets the road. Like, we can say all day, I'll do anything for my kids, but will you humble yourself and choose forgiveness and grace? And, that's a huge that's a great story. One of the verses that comes to my mind on this topic too is one that I actually work on a lot with my kid, my youngest son, which is Ephesians four thirty two. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. And, again, this just brings us back to that reflecting on our own need for God's grace and forgiveness. And when we recognize that, we're much, more likely to be able to forgive the ones who hurt us.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:32:53]:
So Right. And it is possible. And that's I think it's easy, especially in this world, to blame our parents, to blame our spouse, to blame fill in the blank. And we live in this place of blame, and we just get stuck there. And that unforgiveness just, you know, we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities of darkness. And Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy all the good that God wants to do in our lives. And unforgiveness is an insidious sin that in the moment seems like we deserve to feel that way.

Monica Swanson [00:33:27]:
Yes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:33:28]:
Justified. Right? But in the end, it steals from you all the good that God can do even if you have been treated in an unfair or unkind way.

Speaker B [00:33:39]:
Yep. Yep. I mean,

Rhonda Stoppe [00:33:40]:
I think this can even go to divorced women. If you're divorced and your spouse who left you isn't paying his alimony, he's not, coming to see the kids. He's dropping the ball every step of the way. It's like it's easy to wanna constantly tell your children all the bad things about their dad so that they will feel your pain. Sure. But you're sowing seeds of unforgiveness in your children. And Jesus said, don't do that to the you know, suffer the little ones to come into me, and it's better that a millstone be put around your neck than

Speaker B [00:34:09]:
to cause one

Rhonda Stoppe [00:34:09]:
of these little ones to stumble.

Monica Swanson [00:34:11]:
That's a

Rhonda Stoppe [00:34:11]:
lot at stake. It's a lot at stake.

Speaker B [00:34:14]:
Mhmm. That's a good word.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:34:16]:
Okay. Where are we on this?

Monica Swanson [00:34:18]:
Number five. I'll get you that added to me.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:34:21]:
We have time to keep going because we were gonna stop at thirty minutes, but I'm loving all

Monica Swanson [00:34:24]:
of this.

Speaker B [00:34:25]:
I'm good.

Monica Swanson [00:34:25]:
I well, I'll just pick up the pace, and let's get through the next three.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:34:29]:
So good. I just don't want if you've got another appointment. Oh, no. To know. Okay. No. I can I'm just enjoying this.

Monica Swanson [00:34:35]:
Thank you. Me too. Each other. Yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:34:37]:
It's great.

Monica Swanson [00:34:38]:
So the fifth attitude is something that is more relevant all the time. Thanks to social media, I would say. It's the comparison trap. And we don't want to give in to the temptation to compare your spouse to someone else or your marriage to other marriages. None of us know the full story behind anyone else's situation. So whatever you're seeing, when you look at social media, is probably not the whole or the true story, so don't be deceived. The comparison trap is a huge temptation, and it can be really harmful on your marriage. And so we want to trade that for embracing what you have, recognizing that God gave you one person to share the rest of your life with, and we need to choose to embrace that.

Monica Swanson [00:35:24]:
And so look for ways to build up your spouse. They're they're gonna grow in the things that you speak into. So speak into all the good and watch it grow and really fight that temptation to compare your spouse or your marriage to anyone else's.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:35:40]:
Yeah. And I think I watch a lot of reality shows. Okay. My my husband and I lived off the grid for a number of years. We lived on a generator. We had a one bedroom house.

Monica Swanson [00:35:52]:
I don't see you watching reality shows, so keep going.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:35:56]:
I should say this. The reality shows are homesteader shows. They're not reality shows like the Kardashians. I don't watch those people. But, like, there's this show that we

Monica Swanson [00:36:03]:
watch. Yes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:36:05]:
I you're right. We watch together every morning over coffee. That's our daytime. My husband's a pastor, so he's busy in the evenings a lot, but day morning time, he I hear the the grinder go off out here in the living room, I mean, in the kitchen, and I know I'm gonna get up and hang out with him over coffee. Mhmm. And then we put on one of these shows because we've lived it. We literally lived without power. We lived in the middle of nowhere.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:36:26]:
We're forty five minutes from the nearest town. Our pipes would freeze in the wintertime. I mean, it was crazy how we lived. And I'm born in Los Angeles, lived in the Bay Area in San Francisco Bay. I mean, this is not who I am, but

Monica Swanson [00:36:39]:
it was

Rhonda Stoppe [00:36:39]:
who Steve was. And he really had this dream, and I followed that man's dream. And I watch these shows, and I watch these wives, and I know what they're feeling when their husbands are living their dream, and it's all come crumbling around them. And then the women start saying things, and I see the husband just look away. And it's like, oh, honey. Don't do that on national television. Don't don't

Monica Swanson [00:37:00]:
do that to him. Mm-mm.

Speaker B [00:37:03]:
Oh, boy.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:37:04]:
And it's easy to justify our, disrespect when we're comparing what you know, oh, they just got a new car. I'm still driving this old beat up minivan, and, oh, they have a new house or they, you know, fill in the blank. She doesn't I don't I I I have to work full time. She gets to be a stay at home mom, or I wish I could, and that tears them up. Yes.

Monica Swanson [00:37:28]:
It absolutely does. And I even think I like following people on social media who give, like, marriage tips, like the couples who are, like, showing you the you know, how to respond when the other person upsets you. But sometimes when you do that, you see these men, which they're acting. Like, they are recording a, this is for they've recorded this to share on social media. We need to re remember this isn't just being recorded. You know? Yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:37:58]:
Yeah.

Monica Swanson [00:37:59]:
But, but I think it's easy for us to start thinking that's normal. And you're like, actually, it's not normal at all. And then you can think that your husband is the exception because he doesn't tune into you and and isn't, like, you know, noticing every emotion and every facial expression, and you're like, okay. Let's have a wake up call. This was fake. And even on a good day, you know, this it just does not do you any good to compare. So appreciate your spouse. Embrace the good.

Monica Swanson [00:38:29]:
Hey. Maybe there's some things you wanna work on. Maybe you can sit down and talk about it. Some might benefit from talking with a counselor or a pastor or, you know, an older couple of friends. But sometimes we just need to count our blessings and quit complaining, quit comparing.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:38:45]:
And and and I remember when, when I had become a stay at home mom after working in corporate America and I had a baby, and I was so frumpy. And I was literally, like, my baby puked like nobody's business. So I reeked a vomit, laundry piled up because every time I picked her up, she'd puke on me. I stunk. I had that baby weight. I wasn't getting dressed for work every day. I wasn't getting a review and a raise every six months and I add a girl. I literally was lost in that stay at home mom newness Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:39:17]:
And port probably hormonal postpartum.

Monica Swanson [00:39:19]:
Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:39:20]:
But I remember when I would get ready for church every Sunday, I was, like, doing my hair, getting ready. And back then, mom stay at mom stay at home mom clothes weren't cute yoga outfits. They were, like, awful sweatpants that you felt awful in them. So I would get dressed for church and there was a man at church that told me I looked pretty. And I was like, well, thank you. And then the next Sunday, I went to church and that man told me I looked pretty. And the third Sunday, I was getting ready for church and nice men, not being inappropriate at all.

Speaker B [00:39:47]:
Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:39:48]:
And then the third Sunday, I was getting ready for church and I looked in the mirror and I was like, oh, I wonder if so and so will tell me I look pretty. And I went Mhmm. Put my makeup down. I went and found Steve and I said, I gotta tell you what's going on.

Speaker B [00:39:58]:
Mhmm.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:39:59]:
Told them the whole story. And he goes, so you're telling me you have feelings for so and so? I'm like, absolutely not. But I'm telling you, I want you to be saying those things to me that so and so is saying, and I I need to hear it. I I'm needing I'm asking you. Make myself vulnerable. I need you to tell me I look pretty. And then here's the secret, ladies. When you make yourself vulnerable and you share that with them and they don't do it, don't give them the silent treatment.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:40:21]:
Don't be mad at them in the car, on the way to church because they didn't notice, coach them. The Bible says that husbands are to live with their wives according to knowledge in an understanding way. You're the coach. They don't get you. You get to say, hey, babe. Did you notice I have a new dress on, or did you notice I did my hair and makeup? Don't fold your arms and not talk. And when they say what's wrong and you say, I'm not gonna tell you you don't know. I'm not gonna tell you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:40:45]:
They don't know. Right. Help them understand. I need you to tell me that I look pretty. And that happened to me again when I went through, what's it called? Menopause. I'm 60 I'll be 64 in May. When I was in my forties, like, 45 ish, I kinda started putting some weight on, and I felt real frumpy. And I remember, like, telling Steve, I really feel insecure about my looks.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:41:06]:
I need you to tell me when I put the effort and I look pretty. And sometimes he would, and sometimes he wouldn't. And then I would just say, babe, how do I look? And he would take that cue and compliment me. So, you know, don't feel like you're just fishing for compliments. You're helping them. You're helping them help you.

Speaker B [00:41:22]:
You help me help you. Right?

Monica Swanson [00:41:25]:
It is

Rhonda Stoppe [00:41:26]:
so true.

Monica Swanson [00:41:27]:
Yes. And if you're if you're coming into it with that positive, hopeful, expectant attitude, it's so different from the passive aggressive where you're trying to catch them or call them out. It is such a shift, and it's it's a shift of the heart only. So great advice, Rhonda. I love all of that.

Speaker B [00:41:45]:
That's that's

Rhonda Stoppe [00:41:45]:
And who do we wanna spend time with? We don't wanna spend time with friends that are passive aggressive. Like, we all know those relationships with girlfriends that we have that we feel so guilty most of the time we're with them because we let them down in one way or another. I mean, if you're that person, time to stop.

Monica Swanson [00:42:03]:
Time to stop. You can change.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:42:05]:
But as a girlfriend, I can say, I'm gonna put up a boundary. Mhmm. But what if you're married to someone who's constantly looking for how they've let you down, constantly being passive aggressive, digging comments, all those things. No wonder husbands come home, sit in front of the TV with the remote and or go to the garage and watch, you know Mhmm.

Monica Swanson [00:42:26]:
Racing on

Rhonda Stoppe [00:42:26]:
the TV.

Monica Swanson [00:42:27]:
Isn't this what Proverbs calls it a drip like a dripping? That's the big boss. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:42:33]:
Yes. Right.

Monica Swanson [00:42:33]:
That would

Speaker B [00:42:34]:
be on

Rhonda Stoppe [00:42:34]:
the corner of a house top.

Monica Swanson [00:42:35]:
That's right. I've actually had my husband in a playful moment when he heard my complaining do a little drip drip, and I was like, oh, I got that. Thank you. Okay. So, well, the the last two are somewhat, gonna overlap with things we've already talked about, but I'll just cover number six, I call a critical spirit. So most of what we've talked about really comes from a critical spirit, which is sinful, which is proud, which is all of the things. But we can trade that for looking for the good. And, again, sometimes that might mean you're in your time with the Lord.

Monica Swanson [00:43:15]:
You just say, remind me. Show me some of the good in my husband. Maybe you're at a place where you don't see anything and you are just feeling like, really, you know, a deadness in your marriage. Some of you might be on the brink of a divorce, but if you pray and ask God to show you some of the good, and I promise you it's there even in the worst case. There's gotta be some good in there. And maybe write it down. Maybe rehearse it. Pray about it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:43:42]:
Yeah. I mean, even if it's thank you, Lord. He came home tonight. Thank you that he comes home every night. Thank you that, you know, he pays the bills or, you know, whatever those things are. You're right.

Monica Swanson [00:43:54]:
Yes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:43:54]:
Yeah. Because a critical spirit, you're not gonna be the the one they wanna spend time with. Exactly. And and then guess what? You're gonna raise a whole bunch of children if you have them with critical spirits, and it will feel familiar to them. That's that will be their familiar way that they treat each other, that they treat their friends, and one day that they treat their own spouse and their own children. So let it begin with you.

Monica Swanson [00:44:17]:
Wow, Rhonda. That's huge. I love that you keep reminding us of that because I because old

Rhonda Stoppe [00:44:22]:
ladies know stuff. I'm already there. We're looking back. Knows stuff.

Monica Swanson [00:44:26]:
Goodness. It's I'm yeah. These are such good reminders because it isn't just about us in our marriage. It is about what the children are taking in even subconsciously. And so the last one, number seven, is a bad attitude of selfishness. And we all struggle with selfishness, I think, every day have since the garden, since the very beginning of time. But I think we need to remind ourselves again, just continue to speak truth. It's not all about us.

Monica Swanson [00:44:54]:
We actually you know, us moms sometimes have a lot of words, a lot of things. Our husbands get home. We wanna unload how hard it is whether you work outside the home, inside the home, if you're a full time, mom. And, there's always plenty we have to say, but I tend to forget. My husband's got his own stuff. He's got his work stuff, ministry stuff, his life stuff that's going on in his head, and I can forget that and want to make it all about me and all about my feelings. And so I think it's important for us to stop and consider what are spouses needs, what what might they be struggling with. They might not have PMS and menopause, but you know they've got some hormones going too.

Monica Swanson [00:45:38]:
They've got stuff stuff that they don't understand, maybe stuff that scares them, some anxieties, some stressors. And so look for ways to bless your husband. And when you start to put your spouse first, what's amazing is they tend to, be reciprocal in that. They tend to look for ways they can bless you back. So I'm sure you've had lots of experience with that, Rhonda.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:45:59]:
Well and let's just really quick talk about, sex because that is a gift that we give them. And when we think that they're only trying to satisfy some primal urge, we're missing the very ministry that God called us to. You're the only person that can satisfy this vulnerability that your husband has in wanting to connect with you in the marriage bed. And if you think about how much, most of us connect with our spouse through conversations, through words. Like, if he came home every day for two weeks and didn't talk to me, I would feel rejected, I would feel alone, and I would look for somewhere else to get my emotional needs met through conversation. And unfortunately, and let me just this is a side note, a lot of moms do that, especially if you're a stay at home mom or a homeschool mom, and you do something with that and you you talk to your children and you seek emotional support from them that's supposed to come from your husband. That really is an emotional, incest that we should not be committing with our children. Don't put on them the emotional needs that you have that should come from your husband.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:47:09]:
But if your husband's not talking to you for a couple weeks, you would feel rejected and alone. In the same way, when they come home for two weeks and you don't take them to bed, they feel rejected and they feel alone. I'm gonna read a real quick quote here. Good. Let's see. Where is it? Can't find it. Most women don't understand that men have a strong physical desire for sex. So why do wives make their husbands feel apologetic for wanting sex? I think one reason is because a woman's need for sexual intimacy is emotionally driven.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:47:44]:
We wanna feel loved, desired, and beautiful. But when it comes seems as though a husband's desire for sex is a mere physical urge, it becomes easy to wrongly assume that he's acting selfishly and resent it. But what goes overlooked is the fact that a husband's sense of well-being and confidence is very much wrapped up in the sexual intimacy he enjoys with his wife. Wow. One of the things my husband, he writes in that book also, he says as from a husband, a pastor, biblical counselor, in my experience, men whose wives pursue them in the marriage bed are deeply in love with their wives. That doesn't mean it's Tuesday. Let's do that thing we do. That means you flirt with them.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:48:27]:
You send them those texts throughout the day. You make them they in fact, they just want you to want them. They don't want to feel like you're just putting out because it's your duty. Just like when you say, hey, babe. Let's talk. What do I talk about? Well, how was your day? It was fine. Well, talk to me. Right? And it's like they may engage but not emotionally engage with you in a conversation.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:48:48]:
We do the same thing to them if we and I'm not saying quickies are wrong. There are times

Monica Swanson [00:48:52]:
that babies can get up

Rhonda Stoppe [00:48:53]:
at 4AM and you're all tired, but connecting in that marriage bed is the way that God it he made it for us to become one, and don't forsake that. And I know I speak at a lot of homeschool conventions that I meet women, and they're like, well, it's the kids' time right now. My husband understands that it's not our time right now. Right? And these husbands will pick up this book at my homeschool convention. They'll open the chapter that says all he wants is sex when you long for romance. They buy the book every time. It's not it's not the kids time now. The best way you can serve your children is to minister to your husband in the marriage bed, and he will be delighted in you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:49:31]:
And he will pursue you if you pursue him.

Monica Swanson [00:49:34]:
Oh, such a good word. I love that. I just recently had a phone chat with someone who is a mentor to me back in Oregon before we moved to Hawaii, And she gave me a little, a little I don't know what we'd call it, but a tool that she learned years ago. And she said she tells all of her younger married friends this, little formula, we might call it, but it's a four two. So if you're in a healthy marriage and your husband's open to, you know, his part, because, obviously, we can we're only responsible for us. But the four two goes like this. Four times a week, a husband should, make the time to intentionally talk to his wife, asking her, how's your heart? How's your day? How are the beyond just the how are yous. But twenty minutes, if possible, in to just ask some questions and really connect at a heart level with your wife At least two times a week, and my friend suggested three, but two times a week, the wife should intentionally pursue her husband sexually, and that is the things that you just named.

Monica Swanson [00:50:39]:
That isn't just being available, but it is pursuing him in intimacy saying, showing him your desire, pursuing him the text, the whatever it requires. So husband, four times connecting with the wife at an emotional level, at least a good check-in, two times minimum a week, wife should pursue husband sexually. So I was like, that's a pretty good formula there.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:51:02]:
That is a really good formula, and it's one that I think everyone can take a piece away from that. So let me ask you. For your marriage bundle, is this something for spouses to, follow to engage in together, or is this just for wives to listen and then go home and say, hey, honey. Guess what I learned?

Monica Swanson [00:51:19]:
Yes. Either or. My husband and I recorded a video together at our dining room table. We wanted to imagine if you came over, sat down, and said, okay. Give us give us some of the, tools or, you know, advice that has helped you build a happy marriage. What would you say? So we sat down and recorded a video, and then the other things in the bundle are, scripture based prayers that cover a lot of topics. And then just a couple articles, this what we just talked about being one of them. So if you feel alone in your marriage, if you're struggling and your husband's not interested in going through the bundle with you, it's okay.

Monica Swanson [00:51:55]:
You can do this alone, but, ideally, it would be really fun. There's also a list of simple date night ideas that you can even do if you've got young kids at home. These are real simple, date night ideas. And so, yeah, there's a few other things in there, but it's a a very, doable, bite sized pieces in this little bundle that will help build a happier marriage. And you gotta be patient. None of this is gonna happen overnight. Right, Rhonda? Like, we've got years ahead. So keep doing the hard work and trusting God, and give it some time.

Monica Swanson [00:52:28]:
And, usually, your husband will be excited to join you eventually, even if not right at first.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:52:33]:
Yeah. And then even if he doesn't, don't give up. God sees, and God is the one that says, I will bless you, and I will bless your household. I think of Abigail who went to David and said, don't kill my husband Nabal. His name was a fool. Like, she literally came with a warning label. Don't marry the fool. Right.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:52:51]:
She married a fool. Yeah. But she still did what was right. Yes. Even when she could have just backed off and said, David, if you wanna kill him, kill him. He's a fool, and he gets what he gets. You she still did what was right, and God still showed up on her behalf. So I, I just love all of this.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:53:10]:
And for your audience, if you go to my website, noregretswoman.com, on the front, homepage, I think you can click and and Steve and I did a marriage course that goes along with our book, The Marriage Mentor Becoming the Couple You Long to Be. It's all free. You can just watch us. We're basically just talking about each chapter. The whole goal is, you know, people like, I'm not a reader. It's like, well, you're a reader. You read social media all day long, but maybe you can at least watch the videos with your spouse if he won't read. Awesome.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:53:36]:
I I am just so grateful for this time that we have spent together. I know the Lord has knit our hearts together as moms of sons, as homeschool moms, as moms who love Christ above all else, and moms who really wanna I'm I'm sorry. Women, I should be saying that moms, and women who really wanna pour into the next generation. So their marriages will reflect Christ in a way that is a beacon of hope to their children Yeah. And to the watching world because we need to understand that your marriage is the most incredible resource God has given you as an evangelistic tool if you're living in the joy of the Lord. And that can be a light that draws many to wanna know your savior because of what they see in your marriage and in your joy filled life. So Monica, tell us what else they can do. They can follow you on Monica Swanson.

Monica Swanson [00:54:29]:
Thank you. Yes. My website is just MonicaSwanson.com, and you will see a little button at the top right hand side that says shop and courses, and that is another way you can find the marriage builder bundle. And I will say that for the month of February in honor of Valentine's and all the fun topics related, it is half price just for the month of February. So it's $14 right now. Great time to grab it. But there's also lots of articles that are free and archives and podcast episodes. And so I will be linking in my show notes to your books, Rhonda, and the other time you've been on my podcast times.

Monica Swanson [00:55:05]:
You've been on twice. So, yeah, we'll put all the links in each of our show notes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:55:09]:
Yes. And there's the name of Monica's books, boy mom, raising amazing, becoming homeschoolers, and I know you have more. And I'll tell you what, for your listeners and for mine too. But if you somehow message me, I don't care how you get a hold of me through my Instagram messaging. You have to follow me. I'm Ron Dostoppi. Or if you message me through my website, noregretswoman.com, let me know you listen to this episode on either old ladies know stuff or the Monica Swanson podcast. I'll send you the link to the free audio version of my book, a Christian woman's guide to great sex and marriage.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:55:41]:
Oh, yeah. You can get the ebook online. It's available at Amazon or wherever you get your ebooks, but you can get the audiobook only from me. So if you somehow let me know that you saw this or heard it, I will gladly send you the link that you can listen to the audio version. It's short. It's sweet. It's steamy,

Monica Swanson [00:55:59]:
but it's Oh, I bet.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:56:00]:
Good insight.

Monica Swanson [00:56:01]:
I haven't listened to that one, so I'm gonna I'm gonna be the first to sign up.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:56:07]:
So fun. Alright. Well, Monica, will you close us out with prayer, and then we'll just say goodbye?

Monica Swanson [00:56:12]:
I would love to. Heavenly father, thank you so much for your goodness and your grace. Thank you for the idea of marriage, which I think marriage and family is, like, the best idea you ever had. So thank you. Thank you, God. And yet I also want to just acknowledge that there are some listening who are really struggling right now in their marriages. And we live in a fallen world, and there's brokenness in many marriages. And so I just pray for your hand to be on us as women following you, doing our best to obey.

Monica Swanson [00:56:42]:
God, I pray that we would have a time of reflection where we recognize the sin in our own hearts, where we repent, where we turn to you and receive your grace. And I pray that we would be able to take the next step towards honoring you in our marriages, in our parenting, and that as we do that, I just pray our husbands would come alongside and, be the strong men, the leaders that we need. And yet, Lord, until they do that well, I pray that we would still be steadfast, that we would know that we are honoring you as we honor our husbands. So give us strength, give us, grace, and I pray that you would be glorified in all the stories, which no two will be the same. But, in in the journey that you take us on as we honor and obey you, I pray that you would be glorified. And I do pray that our children would see maybe for anyone who's had a rough time up till now, even now, there might be a shift that your kids might see. Lord, I pray that children will, just see your hand in our marriages And and that because of that, they would make choices in their own life that would just bring about marriages that honor you and a generation that, just just puts you at the center and build strong and healthy families. So we love you, Lord.

Monica Swanson [00:57:58]:
We thank you. Pray blessings on everyone listening in Jesus' name. Amen.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:58:03]:
Amen. Amen. Thank you so much, Monica. Appreciate your time.

Monica Swanson [00:58:07]:
Thank you so much. It's always a blessing.