Practical Ways to Bless Your Pastor with Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe has been a pastor's wife for more than 30 years. She's learned a few things along the way. With October being "Pastor Appreciation Month" it is tempting to think signing a card, adding a little money to donate toward the annual appreciation gift, but really that's not what your pastor wants from you.

The sweetest way to encourage your pastor's shepherd heart is to live out your faith in a way that brings glory to Christ. To love him genuinely, consider how you might help support his family's financial needs, but more importantly, grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

With the sorrowful news of the moral failure of headline pastors, remember how much Satan wants to destroy the ministry of your minister. You can support him by diligently praying for him, for his marriage and for his children. Ask God to protect your pastor from Satan's schemes, and to guard his heart, mind and life.

And finally, SHOW UP! Go to church. Take notes. Listen. Learn. Adjust your life to what your pastor is teaching you. Join small groups. Serve others - don't expect the pastor to do all the work. Use your gifts in your local church to support your church family. And walk in the joy of the Lord. Because the Joy of the Lord is your strength!

You can buy a copy of Rhonda's ebook for Pastor's Wives and gift it to your pastor's wife as a devotional resource to help her in her unique ministry as Minister to the Minister. I Sleep With The Pastor - 52 Week Devotional for Pastor's Wives.

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"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:00]:
Rhonda Stoppe here. No regrets woman because I help you build a no regrets life. And we're gonna be looking at 1st Corinthians 914. And it says, in the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel. Now how does that affect you? What does that even mean for you? Here's what I wanted to touch on. It's still, pastor appreciation month in October, and I wanted to just talk about how you can bless your pastor. I don't know about you. I know there are the the rock star pastors that make so much money and drive the cars and have the jets and all the things and don't get me started on all that, but most pastors are just getting by.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:42]:
Most pastors are making enough money, and maybe not making enough money to support their families. I remember when we, had planted a church in Austin, Texas, and we moved back to California 25 years ago. And the church that we came back to was a small country church, small town church, I should say, that had been without a pastor for two and a half years. And in that time, the how the Lord had just shaken that church down to a handful of people. But what we found was that handful of people were ready to roll up their sleeves and serve the Lord. They were ready to to join arm in arm with us to share the gospel in that small town. They were ready to do the work of the ministry. They were ready to serve.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:25]:
They weren't just wanting to us to come and give Steve a paycheck and then, you know, go to do their lives, and I'll see you on Sunday. They were ready to serve alongside of us. So my husband took this job, and it was the biggest pay cut you can't even imagine. And we drove from Texas to California not really knowing how we were gonna make ends meet. And I can recall calling, the denomination that the church was at that time associated with, and I asked them, do you have, like, medical insurance? Do you have some sort of insurance plan that we can buy into? Is there a group insurance plan? And they did not. And I said, wow. Okay. So what do most of your pastors and their families do? And they said, most pastors' wives go and get a job so that she can cover the insurance for the family, and she can make up the financial strain if there's not enough money because they can't make as much on a pastor's salary.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:24]:
So I went to my husband and said, I guess that's what I should do, but here's here's what I don't want you to miss. My husband said no. We had 22 kids at home, 1 in college graduating from college, another getting ready to leave for college, and he wanted me to stay home. He wanted me to homeschool those kids, which if you live in California, the schools in the city that we live in were not good. And I'm like, no. You homeschool the kids, and I'll go to work, and I'll get a job. But he said this, I can't counsel alone with women. I need you here with me so that when women need to talk, I'm available, and you're here at my by my side.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:03]:
And he was right. That was an agreement we had made over the years that he has been in ministry, which has been most of our married life. We will be married 43 years this month. And I knew he was right. So we chose the lesser salary, and we chose to live on little so that we could serve together in this ministry that the Lord had called my husband to be this shepherd, this pastor at this church. And I gotta tell you, God was so faithful, and he showed up, and he met our needs. And I and there were times that Steve would say, hey. I know you're gonna go grocery shopping today, but take it easy.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:41]:
And my first instinct was always, babe, let me go get a job. I can take the slack out of this if you just let me go get a job. And he'd say, I'm not asking you to get a job. I'm asking you to not go crazy. And and I did. I I adjusted however I could to to, you know, may I can remember holding paper towels and napkins in my hand and knowing I don't have the budget to buy both. Which one is more efficient? And I always bought the napkins. They were cheaper, so we never had paper towels in our house.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:09]:
But why am I telling you all that? I'm not talking about being a I'm I'm not poor mouthing us. This was our choice. And over the years, as there were opportunities for the church to to increase Steve's salary to help support him, there were some increases. There were times that Steve chose not to take an increase so that we could hire a youth pastor at that small church. He chose not to take a raise for that year so that we could hire a worship pastor for that small church. So what's the point? The point is this. Some sacrifices that your pastor is making are worth it to him. It was so worth it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:43]:
It's still so worth it to us. Looking back, I wouldn't have changed a thing. And our kids got to see God's faithfulness. God showed up in ways they never would have recognized if we had a nice cushy salary coming in. Instead, we had to pray together as a family. I remember a specific time when our washing machine, our dryer, and our refrigerator all broke at the same time, and we needed all of those things. And my daughter who was, young, she she was in high school at the time, and she was like, I don't understand why you don't just go buy use a credit card and buy those things. We need them.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:15]:
And my husband said, we're not gonna do that. We're gonna wait on the Lord. And then here's the thing. If you're a pastor, do not manipulate your congregation by telling them all the things that you don't have so that they'll give you stuff. That's so wrong. Don't do that. And we didn't do that. We just waited and prayed.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:30]:
And, eventually, someone came to us, and it wasn't very long, and said, hey. We're moving out of state, and we don't wanna move our washer and our dryer and our refrigerator. Do you know a family that needs it? And she said, we need it. And we we still have it. It's been 20 years, and we still have it. And our kids got to see how God provided for us in that time. So that's super cool when you live like that. When you say, Lord, I don't know how you're gonna help us, but I know that you will because you've got a cattle on a 1000 hills.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:00]:
It's an incredible way for your kids to see him show up and provide. But I'm talking to you that are not in ministry. Maybe you need to pay attention. There are times that someone would just give my kid, you know, money to go buy a coffee, or there were times that, they would just bless my kid with some some blessing. Sometimes it's paying for them to go to camp. Sometimes it's just asking them to come clean your house and, you know, having their kids come and clean your house so you can give them a little extra money and then be real generous with what you give them. Sometimes it's just slipping them $20 and saying, hey, have a good day. I don't know.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:36]:
But I know this, that the way that you, can honor the Lord is to bless those that preach the gospel. Because the Bible says they should receive their living from the gospel. And they should. I mean, they don't have to have the nicest car in the parking lot, but they certainly shouldn't be having a car that they have to hold together with bailing wire. Right? Steve and I are sharing a truck right now that we desperately needed a vehicle, and a family in our church said, hey. We've got this truck. We'd like to sell it to you for x amount. Can you come up with that? And we were like, yes.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:11]:
And we did. And right after that, my car broke. So we literally are down to one vehicle, but praise God that we have it because someone reached out to us in generosity and offered us that a car at a a price that we could actually afford. So what am I telling you? I'm not telling you that poor pastors have to make no money. It's our choice. It's our choice when we live, in in a manner worthy of our calling, and we decide that we're not going to go after all the financial gain that this life has to offer. And there's nothing wrong if a pastor's wife works. I'm not saying that was wrong.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:44]:
This was a conviction for our family. I am saying this. Bless your pastor. Encourage your pastor. When you go out to dinner with them, pay for their meal. When you go out to the coffee shop with the pastor's wife to talk about your life, you pay for her coffee. You know how many people she takes out to coffee to talk about their life? If she pays for everybody's coffee, that's her whole budget for who knows what she's been saving for. Here's the other thing.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:07]:
Every time there's a baby shower or a bridal shower, most likely your pastor's wife goes to that. She's gotta buy a gift every single time. And if she's on a tight budget, that can really strain their their budget. So encourage your pastor by encourage encouraging them with finances, sending them on a getaway. If you have a cabin somewhere that you could let them use for a weekend getaway. I don't know. Be creative. But bless them.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:32]:
Bless them with finances because in the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel. And if you serve your pastor and his family in that way, I am confident that your gift will be a blessing to them and God will bless you for your generosity. I wanna talk to you today about Hebrews chapter 13 verse verse 17. And it says, have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you. So what are we talking about? This is Hebrews written by, it's actually the unknown apostle. A lot of people think it's the apostle Paul. But he's writing to people and he's telling them to have confidence in their leaders and to submit to that leader's authority.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:33]:
They're talking about their pastors. And, again, I'm talking about this because it's pastor appreciation month, so I thought I would bring it up. And and I know I know in the news that we have been seeing, we've been seeing false teachers fall. We've been seeing true Christian leaders that succumb to sinful actions that have been just so destructive to their churches, to the name of Christ. And so many of them are high profile, ministers, and so it's kind of wounded the whole the whole Christian community. Right? And, honestly, it's easy when when someone falls to look at other pastors and look at them with suspicion and think that that they too could be the one that's gonna fall next. Right? And I'll tell you this, if you know any godly pastors, you know that as they are watching some of these men fall, they are before the lord knowing that it's by the grace of god that he is keeping them. If if the apostle I'm sorry.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:39]:
If if, King David could fall to Bathsheba, the man who wrote the most incredible worship music, if he could fall to sin to Satan's schemes, any one of us can. And I'm not excusing the behavior. It is absolutely heart wrenching and wrong and, does such damage to the name of our savior and to the cause of Christ, but Satan is a snake. But here's the good part, that God God says that what Satan means for evil, he will use for good. And I do think that God is purifying his church. I do think that even though that purifying is painful, we can know that he will bring to light what's being done in darkness. And even though that's painful, God's not gonna let it hide in the shadows. He's going to reveal sin so that he can keep his heart, his church pure.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:29]:
If the church has been kept pure down for the ages, he can continue to hold fast and to keep our bodies in the name of Jesus safe. So he calls us to have confidence in our leaders and to submit to their authority. Again, this isn't just an all out authority over your life. This is them teaching you in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and and guiding you with God's truth and nurturing you with God's word, with the the very bread that God's Jesus said, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of out of the mouth of God, by the very bread of God. Your pastors are gonna be teaching you truth. And I'll tell you this, if you're not in a church where your pastor is preaching through the word of God, not just entertaining you, throwing a little scripture out there and then giving you entertainment for the rest of the hour that he has you or however long your service lasts. You wanna go somewhere where the word of God is being unpacked line by line, word by word, precept upon precept. You want to be taught truth so that because the truth is what transforms you, and the truth is what purifies the body.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:39]:
And the truth is what will knit the hearts and lives together in the body of Christ. So if your pastor, your leaders are giving you, truth and they are leading you with the authority of God, Hebrews 13 says that they are keeping watch over you, over your very soul. Isn't that incredible? They have this huge responsibility. My husband's a pastor. He is so takes so seriously his work to guide his flock to follow Christ. He doesn't draw them to follow him. Let's see. This is what, Matthew Henry commentary says.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:15]:
They, which for the souls of the people not to ensnare them, but to save them, to gain them, not to themselves, but to Christ, to build them up in knowledge, faith, and holiness. They are to watch against everything that may be hurtful to the souls of men, and to give them warning of dangerous errors of the devices of Satan, of the approaching judgments, they are to watch for all opportunities of helping the souls of men forward in the way to heaven. That's a good pastor. And here's the thing. If your pastor is is striving to do that and you are are having confidence in him, you're not undermining and questioning everything that he says. And, yeah, you know, my husband will say, take what I say, go back and weigh it against the word, and make sure what I'm telling you is grounded in sound doctrine. Yes. We should just like the Bereans in the Bible, we should weigh what we're being taught against the word of God.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:14:16]:
But then we are to to honor them by by giving an account for our own lives. How are we adjusting our lives to what they're teaching us as they watch over our souls? And I love this last line. It says, do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden. For that would be of no benefit to you. But my husband's heart, I have just watched him be so burdened, be so aching over watching the consequences of a person's bad choice. And it's hard when you have poured truth into someone's life and into the life of your of your sheep, and you watch them, fall away and believe Satan's schemes and fall into something that ends up killing, stealing, and destroying all the good God had planned for their lives, for their ministry, for their family. If you are walking in obedience to Christ, if you are seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness, if you are cheering your pastor on, encouraging him, writing him notes of encouragement, don't just let him hear from you when you have a complaint. Working in the nursery, teaching Sunday school, teaching in classes, attending classes when they have a bible study, go.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:15:25]:
If you're just going to church on Sunday morning and they don't see you again until next Sunday, you are missing what it really means to be a part of the body of Christ. So as you live in community with the people that God has called you to serve Christ with under the authority of your pastor, that brings joy to you. It brings joy to your pastor, and it brings joy to your your body, to your family, to the body of Christ, to your church family. And Nehemiah says the joy of the Lord is your strength. So let's take this time during pastor appreciation month, and let's appreciate our pastor. Let's submit to his teaching. Let's study what he's talking about. And don't just say, hey.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:06]:
That was a great message after church. Take notes and be able to tell him, this is what I got out of your sermon, and this is what I'm going to apply to my life this week. Or this is what the Spirit has convicted me of, and this is what I'm going to choose to adjust my life to. Ain't that something? That would be just the most amazing amazing thing if you blessed your pastor. Yes. The cards are nice. Yes. The notes are you know, the gift cards, the notes during pastor appreciation month, those are sweet.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:31]:
But they wanna know how their service to you is is changing you. How God's using their ministry to you to help you walk in a manner worthy of your calling. So try that, and let me know. I'd love to know how it goes. You can find me at at rondastoppe on my social media. Message me. Love to hear from you. Thanks so much.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:54]:
You have a great day. Go bless your pastor.