Godly Discipline Insights & Tips

Godly Discipline Insights & Tips - 
Learning how to discipline your child in a godly way is not for the faint of heart. Can I get a witness? In this episode, Rhonda recalls her own time as a mom trying to figure it all out. Please join us to hear practical insights that may help you discern effective ways to train your child in the way they should go.

Please Like - Subscribe and SHARE this episode with your friends. You help means SO much to me, friend.

Thank you for joining us. Please SUBSCRIBE & SHARE
Sign up for Rhonda's Monthly Newsletter @ NoRegretsWoman.com
CONNECT with Rhonda @RhondaStoppe
Facebook Page: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman
NoRegretsWoman.com

"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:00]:
Today, we're gonna talk about practical tips to make your godly discipline stick. Discipline. It's exhausting, isn't it? One holiday when all of our children and their families were home for a visit, our house was filled with the noise and laughter that they all bring. We have 15 grandkids now, and the number continues to grow, and it's just so much fun. But amidst the fun of the uncles trying to outdo each other with their creative ways of flying the children around the house, my toddler granddaughter was removed by her mommy from the uncle rides for a diaper change. When my granddaughter protested, my daughter Meredith said, you have to learn to obey mommy so that you will learn to obey God. My granddaughter whined, obey God, as she burst into tears, certain that the fun would be over by the time she returned. I think the uncle was probably happy that the poopy diaper was no longer sitting on his shoulders, if truth be known.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:54]:
The scenario brought back memories of similar conversations that I had had with Meredith when she was a young old, and Meredith could have responded by saying, you have a dirty diaper. Your uncles don't want you to sit on their shoulders until you're clean, and her statement would have been true. In fact, it would have been very true. Meredith could have barked out any fall of the following statements. Get over here right now. Don't make me come after you. You're making me mad. You're gonna get it when I catch you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:17]:
Instead, Meredith created a teachable moment. She had wisely taken the time to explain in 2 year old terms the value of an obedient life. She planted a seed in her daughter's young mind that would reap long term benefits. Now you might be thinking teachable moments, I get it, but who's got time for that? I am just keeping my head above water trying to keep my kids from killing each other. I get it. Parenting is hard. It's really hard. Some seasons are more difficult than others.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:48]:
They don't call it terrible twos for nothing. Right? And here's a little secret. Whatever issues you and your toddler go toe to toe over, they will likely resurface when they hit adolescence. Amidst daily parenting, there seems no end in sight. Then one day before you are ready for it, they're gone. The nest is empty and you long for when your house was humming with the hustle and bustle of family life. Hindsight is always better. I wish I knew then what I know now.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:16]:
In the trenches, it's hard to see the value of daily disciplines that sap your energy and make you so sick of hearing your own voice. Can I get a witness? If I could go back and give a pep talk about discipline to my younger mom self, here's some things that I would say because old ladies know stuff. We've lived it. We've learned it. And if we could go back, this is what we would wanna tell you. Number 1, find a mentor and a community. When I was a young mom, I had no real plan for how I would guide my children toward becoming godly adults. The fear of what I didn't want my kids to become overshadowed my parenting.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:54]:
Maybe you can relate. When I knew I wasn't the mom I wanted to be, I looked at mothers of teens in our youth group. The kids who wanted to spend time with their parents stood out to me because so many teenagers today want nothing to do with their parents. As I observed the interaction of these moms and dads with their teens, I knew I needed to learn their parenting secrets. When I asked those moms to give me their guidance to help me, they were more than willing to take me under their wing. There is something about getting advice from someone who's walked a mile in your shoes. Right? These women were genuine. They didn't pretend to have all of the answers rather they taught me what they had learned from both their successes and their their failures. No judgment.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:35]:
Making friends with these older women helped me see past the piles of laundry, through the sleepless nights, and look toward a time when my children would be grown. Their insight inspired me not to waste the short time that I had with my kids wishing away the difficult seasons. What do they say? We have 18 summers with our kids and this makes me cry thinking about it. Their perspective helped me push through when I was tempted to feel too tired, busy, or lazy to do whatever it would take to discipline my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Think of it this way, if you get 18 short years to do one of the most important jobs of your life, one of the most important jobs in the world that will affect our culture, if God has didn't give you children in the traditional manner, that time might be less. If you're a stepmom, if you're an adopted mom, for example, our oldest son didn't come to our family until he was 15 years old, but the short time that we had with him made all the difference in his life and in ours. So make the most of whatever time you have.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:39]:
Be consistent. One of the wonderful things that I learned from these godly mentors was to be consistent. Choose what you're going to say no about and then don't waver. For example, if your child asks for a snack before dinner and you say no 5 times before you finally give in, rethink the way that you're handling that situation. Let's be honest, A snack before dinner isn't likely going to kill your kid, but you regularly giving in after you've said no teaches him that if he persists long enough, you will give in to his demands. So instead, plan ahead for how you're going to respond when you know the same scenarios will arise. Contemplate what you're going to say no about and be generous with what you say yes about. Number 3, teach self control.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:24]:
Set up ways to train your kids in your home when you're not hard pressed for time. And most certainly, don't wait until you're a guest in someone else's home to teach your kids not to touch fragile things. That is always a recipe for disaster. While it's easier to put away breakables in your home, you would be wise to leave out some untouchable items. When my daughter was little, I would sit in a room with her playing on the floor, and I would explain how the coffee table items were off limits. Then I would read my book while keeping a watchful eye on her. When she reached for the treasures, I would remind her not to touch. When she disobeyed, I'd calmly get up to discipline her while removing the treasures from her little hand.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:03]:
Repeatedly, we walk through that scenario. Because my intent was to teach my child how to refrain from touching breakables, I wasn't distracted by any other task except the one at hand. Do you get that? When we get distracted, that's when we get irritated when we're trying to teach them a principle. So I didn't get frustrated when they disobeyed, rather I welcomed the opportunity to teach my child self control. It seems like a lot of time just to practice at home, but think of the long term benefit when you're able to trust your children to refrain from breaking things when they're a guest in someone else's home. Note, if you have detachment disorder or special need children, consider alternatives to traditional discipline. Consider insights from other articles. One time out behavior chart says love withdrawal, deprivation, grounding, and reacting in anger do not work with many adopted children because they have often have trouble thinking consequentially.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:01]:
And because isolation can feels safe to them, they fear relationships even though they yearn for those relationships. Remember, this is a bigger picture to keep in mind when you are frustrated by your child's behavior. Rather than fixing the behavior or understanding your child's underlining problem based on their history, you need to create safety and security so that she can experience emotional connectedness and healing. Let's go on. Number 4, keep your cool. As a parent, anger is never your friend. That's not to say that your kids don't push your buttons or trigger your anger. I remember when I was dealing with PMS, my daughter sensed my vulnerability and would invariably use that time to pester me like no other time of the month.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:43]:
Ephesians 4:26 says, be angry and sin not. When your teen is not answering your text, your toddler is flushing a box of tampons down the toilets, true true story, Or your kids are fighting to attempt to discipline in anger is wrong. If you were raised by parents who yelled, it may become second nature to to you to raise your voice. If you were given the silent treatment when you disobeyed, ignoring your child may be your response. Neither of these are helpful. Rather than ignoring or lashing out, take time to regroup. Tell your old, I'm angry right now, but I don't wanna sin in my anger. So I'm going to go to my room, and when I am calm, I will come back to discipline you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:24]:
That child will learn from your behavior because, like Jesus said the student becomes like his teacher and if your child sees you discipline yourself to calm yourself before you come back and impose godly discipline, they will learn from that behavior. It's never okay to discipline in anger. If you have a problem with your temper, please reach out for help. Be sincere. In 18 years of youth ministry, we observed kids pushed to rebellion because of their parents' hypocrisy. Here are some practical ways to live with sincerity in front of your kids. When you lose your temper, apologize to your old. Explain how you've asked God's forgiveness and you would like to ask their forgiveness too.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:05]:
In this manner, you will teach your child about the normal Christian life. We desire to obey God and when we sin, we repent and we ask God to forgive us. We ask forgiveness of the person that we have wronged and we invite God to help us do better next time. The long term effect of your child seeing your vulnerability and repentance will teach them more than any lectures that you might give on the subject. Next, forgive and ask forgiveness. Since resentment over childhood scars is a common pain in childhood, learning forgiveness is of the utmost importance. Forgiveness should be a characteristic of God's people. It should characterize your home and your family.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:43]:
And when you teach your children how to pardon others' offenses, you're training them to be free from the bondage of bitterness. Help them understand how holding on to resentment quenches the spirit in their life and it will hinder their walk with Jesus. Remember this, resentful people sow seeds of resentment in their children and forgiving people raise forgiving people. Be quick to forgive and you'll teach your children how to handle discord properly. This habit will reap lifelong benefits that will impact their own marriages and their own parenting one day. Take it from me, my adult children who are all married and raising my 15 grandchildren, I'm watching the benefit of seeing them learn to handle marriage wisdom, let him ask of God who will give to all liberally. Raising the next generation will require wisdom. Wisdom from godly mentors because old ladies know stuff is necessary.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:44]:
But don't forget to daily ask god for his wisdom to help you guide your child's heart toward Christ and toward godly character. The next point is it's totally worth it. Here's the thing, and don't miss this. All the work that you put into disciplining and training your kids is totally worth it. When my children were little, I didn't realize how all the time conversations and discipline that we put into their upbringing would reap bountiful rewards when they grew up. Today, our kids and their families are the people we most enjoy spending time with. Seriously, if you're in the trenches with your kids, it's hard to imagine the gift that you're giving your future self if you do the hard war work of molding their character and building their biblical worldview. But take it from me, it's totally worth it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:32]:
And the last point is you're not alone. Joshua 1:9 says, be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. You're not alone, my friend. God is the one who has called you to this parenting thing, this ministry of motherhood and he is the one who will give you the stamina, wisdom, and strength for the task. The investment you make in training your children can impact their future and the next generation for all eternity. And if you learn to discipline your children with a godly discipline, I promise that you will have no regrets. For more about child raising and you can find my book, Mom Raising Sons to Be Men, there's a whole section on godly discipline.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:18]:
Thanks so much for listening. Y'all have a great day.