Part 1_Making Love Your Legacy - A Message of Hope

Making Love Your Legacy is a message Rhonda shared at a MOPs when this was the theme for MOPs international. Listen to the love stories. I pray they inspire you to make true love your legacy too. May your marriage relationship be one marked by Christ's love that He can use to draw your children to Himself. And that one day your children, and grandchildren will want to emulate in their own marriages.

Thank you for joining us. Please SUBSCRIBE & SHARE
Sign up for Rhonda's Monthly Newsletter @ NoRegretsWoman.com
CONNECT with Rhonda @RhondaStoppe
Facebook Page: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman
NoRegretsWoman.com

"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:00]:

Steve's Parents, Bill and Eleanor were such a couple. My mother in law was deeply in love with Willie, as she called him, and I was captivated by their adoration for one another. At first glance, you would think that they never had any struggles in their marriage. But the reality was that Bill and Eleanor had weathered a number of difficult storms in their life. For example, Bill was deployed to Korea not long after their marriage. While he was away, Eleanor suffered alone through tragic miscarriage. In the first five years of their marriage, the couple silently grieved or the inability to conceive.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:32]:

So you can imagine their relief and elation when Steve, that's my husband, was born, and then three years later, god blessed them with another son, Daniel. When Steve and I were dating, he used to tell me his parents never fought. I didn't believe him. I would say, every married couple fights. Your parents are hiding it from you and your brother. But through the years, I came to discover that Steve's perception of his parents'relationship was spot on. The two generally adored one another, and when life had been hard, rather than looking for a better life with someone else, they pressed into their relationship with Christ and into one another. Bill's devotion to Bill and Eleanor's devotion to each other shone brightest.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:12]:

When Eleanor was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, the first thing she forgot was how to play the piano. For a decade, Bill devoted himself to Eleanor's care. Many nights, I would hear him sobbing on the front porch as my husband held him in his arms. After a number of years, the stress of taking care of Eleanor was taking a toll on him, and we suggested that he put her in assisted care facility. He replied, she is my sweetheart. I would never dream of leaving her care to someone else. Talk about love. My kids and I were privy to watching love lived out through Bill and Eleanor.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:50]:

Even when Ellie, as he called her, didn't remember who Bill was, he continued to take care of her. Even he went so far as to sell their home, quit his job and move into a house on our ranch so that he could care his love full time. The love demonstrated by my in laws has left a lasting impression upon me, their children and their grandchildren. Jesus said, Greater love has no one than this. Then they lay down their vice with their friend Steve's. Father certainly personified this kind of selfless love. Until the day, Eleanor passed on into eternity. Have you ever considered a story you are writing with your life? This generation is desperate for love stories like those of Eleanor and Bill's.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:35]:

Will you join the ranks of Bill and Eleanor, whose undying love withstood a failing mind? We're talking about making love your legacy. See, I don't come from a long line of happily ever after stories. In fact, I can remember as a little girl, my grandmother went to visit her in Southern California, and she was learning to play the organ or piano or something, and she was playing a song for me. And she said, you want to hear my favorite song? And I'm like, yeah. And she started playing and singing her heart out to "Please release me. Let me go for I don't love you anymore". And I was a little girl, but I was like, why would that be her favorite song? Not long after that, my grandma divorced my grandpa. I remember as a 17 year old girl sitting on the edge of the bed with my mom saying, mom, you're going to lose dad if you don't change the way you interact with him.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:31]:

You're going to lose him. And she did. That's my legacy. Steve and I got married. He was the love of my life. And his love story is at the end of this talk, we don't have time to get to mine and Steve's love story. You can watch it on my YouTube channel, rhonda stopping NoRegretsWoman. It's been viewed over 28,000 times because it's super fun and people want a good love story, which is what my book, Real Life Romance is.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:54]:

It's a compilation of some sweet love stories. But I remember when we got married, we got home after our honeymoon, and I was in the kitchen and trying to keep the house clean, working full time. Steve was in construction. They had Black Friday, so they were off him and his brother. Every Friday on rainy days, they were home. I was at work, and I would come home, and they would mess my house up. I had been single, living alone before that. And you clean it on Saturday, and it's pretty much clean till next Saturday.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:21]:

And I remember seeing the peanut butter crumbs. And some of you have heard me tell the story before on the counter. And he would make peanut butter toast on the counter, and I would just wipe them up, and then he'd do it again, and I would wipe. And one day I walked in, and I'm sure I was hormonal, and there were peanut butter toast crumbs on the counter. And I started weeping and sobbing, and he comes in, and he is like, "what?" And I'm like, Well, I did not know this man was obsessed with peanut butter toaster. I'm not sure I would have had that discussion during biblical counseling before we got married. And he said, Wyatt. And I'm like, you put crumbs on the counter every day.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:57]:

It's like you don't care what I do all day. And he said, I was making them on the counter to save you from having to wash a dish. Isn't that funny? Because the main thing is not always the main thing. We perceive. In fact, unmet expectations is one of the biggest conflicts in relationships. And I was holding on to those little offenses. And I knew that I came from a long line of marriages that fell apart because of keeping record of wrong, of little offenses. And yet here I was, living out what I had seen, lived out in my own home, and it scared me.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:31]:

I knew I was going to be the same wife that I had seen in my own family if I didn't get some help. So Steve was in youth Ministry at the time, and I looked around at other couples that were the parents of our youth, and the ones they hold each other's hands still. Steve and I just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary, and I wanted to meet those people that are still in love after that many years; that lol at each other's jokes, that have that look across the room and wink at each other. I wanted that experience in my marriage, but I didn't have it in my own family. And so I looked to these couples and I made friends with these old ladies. And I always say, "hashtag old ladies know stuff", because they do. And Titus two calls the older women to teach the younger how to love their husbands and love their children. So I knew I needed to learn from them.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:20]:

And that's really my zeal, my passion. The book I just read to you from is called The Marriage Mentor becoming the Couple You Long To Be because I needed a mentor in my life, and so do you. And I love Mops because there are always mentors at your table as well. I love watching two people fall in love, looking back over Steve's and my love story and recalling all the sweet details of watching my own children fall in love. Will forever be some of the greatest treasures that I keep in the recesses of my mind. Why do love stories draw us in? I think it's because we long for our own. Why do we watch movies RomCom? I want to see them laugh, and I want to see them fall in love. I want to see them solve that problem and end up happily ever after.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:14]:

Am I the only one? I'm going to tell you some stories today. I'm just going to tell you some love stories from this book, Real Life Romance, because I really believe that that is where I want to leave you this lasting legacy. My kids love stories are all in the back of this book, and I'm going to share some of their stories with you because we're talking about making love your legacy. We want our kids to marry someone who thinks they're amazing, and we want them to have the happily ever after that we hope for them. But it begins with us. It begins with Bill and Eleanor showing me what it looked like to still be in love with your husband after all those years. To show us what love looked like when your spouse doesn't even remember your name and you still care for her. And so making love your legacy begins with your kids. When they think of mom and dad, do they think mom just tolerates dad? Do you gossip about dad behind his back to your kids? Don't do that.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:19]:

Do you tell your kids, "Dad can't seem to get the garbage out in the morning. I got to take the garbage out before I take it to school"? That is not giving your kids security. You want to build in your kids a security. And the best way you can love your children is to love your spouse in a way that they know mom and dad aren't going anywhere. So the first love story I'm going to tell sorry, Jessy, I didn't tell you is Brandon and Jessy's, and it's in this book how they met. Brandon and Jesse met while Brandon was in college at Cal Baptist University in Southern California. That fall, Brandon began his senior year of college at Cal Baptist. I'm reading from the book on here because it's too hard for me to do this, so I'm going to read some of it to you. I'm going to do more reading than I normally do because I'm trying to stay on my tongue course, too.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:08]:

And in his spare time, he interned at a church. Brandon had gone to school to study music and Bible with the intention of one day becoming a worship pastor. But he had a great opportunity at this church, although after graduation, Brandon's goal was to enjoy a season of touring and playing with some Christian bands before he settled into church ministry, Jessy had also started working at the church. In the counseling department at work, Brandon began to look for reasons to walk by her desk. Whenever he did, he tried to think of clever ways to strike up a conversation with her. As time went on, their chats became more comfortable and more frequent until each secretly looked forward to opportunities to talk to each other. At college group, the two kept one eye on each other. Often their eyes would meet across the room, and they would smile.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:58]:

Finally, Brandon called Jessy and had her go out to coffee with him, and they shared their feelings for each other. Jessie couldn't stop smiling, it says, and she just was so happy that he and she... they couldn't figure out their mixed signals, and they finally figured it out, and you can read their whole story in real life romance. When Brandon graduated, he was offered an opportunity in another city to pursue his passion for a career in music. He was torn because he really did care for Jessy, but he wasn't willing to give up his goals to have a relationship with her. Brandon knew other musicians who regretted getting married before they pursued their dreams. He was wary of making the same mistake. Two weeks before Brandon left town, he broke up with Jessy, explaining he didn't want to be tied down to a long distance relationship. He wanted to focus on his opportunity.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:46]:

And Jessy was devastated and Brandon was too. Brandon left for his new life and he tried not to look back. He wrapped himself up in music and touring, and he tried to enjoy living the life he had always dreamed of. But something was missing. While his opportunities to play with some awesome Christian bands should have been enough, his heart ached to share his experience with Jesse. And then finally, Brandon messaged Jessy and said, "I just haven't known what to say. There is no one else I'm interested in. You're the one I'm thinking of."

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:16]:

"No one compares to you. Everyone and everything else is black and white. You are in color." It's so cute. With that, Brandon jumped into his car and he drove 6 hours into the night to see Jessy. She could hardly believe when he arrived in the morning. And when Brandon finally said, "hey, Jessy and I are back together". And we didn't know Jessy very well, we'd only heard know seen her a few times.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:38]:

It's kind of interesting when your kids live life not right around you, you trust that they're following the Lord and that the Lord is leading them to even find their spouse. And you pray for them. But when he said, "Mama, Jessy and I are back together" I said, "Tell me what it is about Jessy?" So he shared this story. "I was traveling with all these bands. I knew this was my dream and it wasn't enough. I just wanted to share it with her." And he said, "Mama, when I called Jessy on the phone (and he had to talk to her in months) and she picked up the phone," he said, "I heard her voice and it felt like home." It felt like home. I knew my boy had found his wife.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:14]:

Isn't that a sweet story? Isn't that an amazing love story? Why is it that love stories like this encourage us so much? When Brandon was little, he would stand on a stage at our school. We lived in a small town, actually a mountains. It was a one room schoolhouse. And he was in a little red cardigan. And he was singing this Christmas special. And I'd whistle really loud. If you're ever in the audience or Brandon's playing, I will whistle and he find me to wink at me when he was a little guy in school. Anyway, so I had whistled.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:46]:

I was clapping and he was bowing in his little red sweater. He was probably six. And he looked over and winked at me and that's kind of been our thing. And Brandon and Jessy were living in Nashville, and a woman I know was reading Moms Raising Sons to Be Men. And I tell that story, in mom's raising sons to be men. And she was sitting behind Jessy. Brandon was on stage and she took a picture of the back of Jessy and Brandon playing guitar on stage and she texted me the picture and all she said was, "He winks at her now." Isn't that great? Because really your son that you have a huge crush on. You need to to realize, you're raising him for her. You're raising him for her.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:23]:

And so when you see a full circle of that and love that is transferred to the one that God is giving them to do life together, to do ministry together, you'll have no regrets. I need a lot of women I'm 60 years old. You tell you could probably figure out the math. I meet a lot of them in my age that are offended that their son doesn't called her. He's married talks to his wife more than he talks to me. Yeah, that's how it's supposed to be. And we're raising men to love their spouse more than he loves you. And we're raising them to love Jesus more than they love their spouse. At the end of each chapter in Real Life Romance, there's a section: "Ponder This and a Living it Out". So after Brandon and Jessy's love story, the ponder this is: Observing God knit together two hearts in love for Him and for each other is glorious.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:14:15]:

To finally meet Jessy and see how she so complimented our son after my years of praying and waiting for God to bring him a Godly wife was glorious. Do you realize the Lord is more interested in directing your children toward a Godly spouse than you are in helping them find one? But before God will lead them to love another, he wants them to first know how to love Him with their whole heart. And that is key. We teach our children by our example to love Jesus. Said Mark, chapter 12:30, what's priority with Protos of life that was the religious leaders of the day are like, "Hey Jesus, what's the most important thing in life?" Now when Jesus answers that, don't you think we should listen? And he said, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, strength" Which means fall in love with God. How do we do that? By knowing Him through the pages of Scripture. God revealed his character to us so that we would fall in love with Him, so that we would trust Him, so that we would see Him. 2020 had been crazy.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:15:23]:

2021 was pretty great. I've had Covid twice! When we were going through 2020, I was reading through the Bible in a year. And the Scripture, there was one line that kept coming up and it said, "And the turn of events was from the Lord." And there were good events in the mayo. And then there's another section where he tells Israel, go back, because this thing is from me. They're going to go fight. And he's like, Let that happen. "This thing is for me."

Rhonda Stoppe [00:15:53]:

When bad things happen. If we don't know God's true character as he reveals it Scripture, then when bad things happen, we're going to not trust His Spirit. We're going to not believe that he can take all things and work them together for good. We're not going to believe that he is Jehovah Jireh our provider. We're not going to believe that he is Jehovah Nissi the Lord our banner who fights our battles for us. We're going to look at the circumstance and we're going to question his goodness. Or we're going to blame our spouse because he's not making enough money or he can't fix this problem. Or think, "I'd be happier with someone else". My husband, wrote in The Marriage Mentor, "The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it."

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:31]:

And see Jesus said, the priority of life is to love God with all your being. And the second priority is to love your neighbor as yourself. You cannot love others with God's selfless love unless you love for God is right. And that begins with a true relationship with Jesus. Not just a mental ascent. John 31:6 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but shall have everlasting life". Some say, "I believe" but that word believe does not mean a mental ascent to the truth of who Jesus is. "Oh, I believe Jesus of God's Son."

Rhonda Stoppe [00:17:03]:

"I believe he died of cross". Guess what James tells us? The demons believe it and tremble. It's not a mental ascent to it. It is a wholehearted devotion, turning repenting of your sin, turning from it and following Jesus for the rest of your life. And anything short of that is not true salvation. And sadly, we have been given such a false message: "God wants you to be healthy, wealthy and prosperous. Just believe that he's going to make everything good in your life". And then when everything's not good, we question his goodness.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:17:34]:

Think about Satan in the garden to Eve. He said, well, "If God were good, He would want you to know what He knows." He got her to question God's goodness and his character. And that's when she sinned . If God were good, he didn't want good you in a difficult marriage. If God is good, He'd like you to go find somebody that's going to help you be happy and serve Jesus better. That same you flag. I've been dear friend who has been in a difficult marriage most of her life. And she said to me, "I know kids who were raised in amazing Christian homes (and I'm not talking about an abusive relationship, I'm talking about difficult). And they've grown up and walked away from Jesus.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:18:16]:

And she said, "If my kid had to grow up and see me regularly cover with love my husband offenses and choose to love him by Christ loving him through me... If that's what God needed to do to bring my kids to Jesus and to cause them to want to follow and serve him for the rest of their lives..." Listen, ladies, she said, "I'd live it again. I'd do it all again." We are so convinced that happiness is the priority of our life. Joy is, "The joy of the Lord is our strength". But when we are falling in love with Jesus, he can cause us to love our spouse. Even when he doesn't put his socks in the hamper, even when he makes peanut butter toast, even when he's looking at porn. And I talk about porn in a love story in my book.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:18:59]:

I'm not going to take time to talk about it today, but there's a couple in Real Life Romance that talks about her husband was addicted to porn. And she says this until I realized that my resentment and hatred toward him was just as sinful as his addiction to porn. That's when I was ready to repent of my own sin. And now I could pray powerfully for my husband to get the help that he needs and for the spirit to convict my husband instead of her trying to guilt him or manipulate him to changing the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous one accomplishes much. Let it begin with you. You want a better marriage. You want your husband to you know, I've prayed for years that my husband would love me with a selfless love and see me as beautiful. You can pray that over your spouse.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:19:46]:

But let it begin with you that your prayers are powerful because you're willing to every day say, "Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, know my anxious thoughts, see if there's any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting" Repent. Turn from your sin. You're Moses on the mountaintop holding your arms in the air, and Satan wants to just make you weary. And what happens when we get weary? What did Moses do? He got his buddies to help him hold his arms up, because when his arms went down, Joshua would lose the battle and people would die. But when his arms were raised and his friends held his arms up and raised them in intercession for Joshua, the battle was won. We are sending our children into a battle, and we must equip them, and we must be prayer warriors for our marriage, for our children, for their spouses, for our children's purity. We must be the prayer warriors that God's called us to be. It's a heavy time, but God's called you to this.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:43]:

He's called you to this season in history for this time, and he wants you to be a warrior, one that lives in a manner worthy of your calling. Christ in you the hope of glory and loving your spouse in a way that that is the light that draws your children to want to know your Savior, that draws others to want to know and believe that your message of Christ is genuinely true. There's more at stake than just your happiness.