Insights into Adolescence - Part 2 of 4

This episode is Part 2 of a Four Part Message. Listen to discover the secret that changed the trajectory of my life. And I know it will do the same for you!

Note: I apologize for the abrupt intro/outro. This episode picks up in the midst of the story that began in Episode 1. I'm still learning the technical stuff. But if I wait until I'm dialed in I'd probably never actually publish a show 😊 Thanks for your patience, friends.

Listen to Part 1 in:  Season 1 - Episode 1

Episode 1 Review:
POINTS:

•  You're not alone
•  You're in good company
•  You can do this!

QUOTE: "Your children aren't an imposition on your ministry, they are your ministry"

Episode 3
SHOW NOTES;
POINTS:

• Hope for Prodigals
• People Pleasing isn't Pleasing
• Tools to Your Son's Autonomy
• Secrets to Raising Adolescent Sons
• Control Freaks Raise Freaks

Hope for Prodigals

STORY: The prodigal son Adonriam Judson. Listen to how God's miraculous providence brought about this young man's repentance. And became a missionary who led over 7,000 people to Christ. 

People Pleasing isn't pleasing

QUOTE: "Never raise your kids for what people think of you or you will ruin them."
"Raising your kids for your own reputation makes us a glory stealer"

STORY: Luke Smallbone - For King & Country -  his mother's response to his poor behavior.

Tools to autonomy
QUOTE: Godly mentors will help you discern your motives because: Old Ladies Know Stuff

STORY: God sent the lion and bear to prepare David to fight the giant. His mom wasn't fighting his battles for him.

Epilepsy.

STORY: Charles and James Spurgeon's mother.

QUOTE:My mother is strong, compassionate and caring all in one. I probably owe all I am and have achieved to my mom, because when a man is loved by his mom he can end up doing great things. LUKE SMALLBONE - For King & Country

Secrets to Raising Adolescent Sons
Men Crave Respect.
Coming of Man rituals.

Control Freaks Raise Freaks

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"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Best friend named Jacob Eames and Jacob, um, mocked the existence of God, and so much so that he convinced, um, Aden Iru Judson, how, you know, uneducated that you would believe that. And the same thing that our kids are exposed to now. And so a, an Iru Judson rejected his faith and what happened to him, He went to New York. He was gonna be a playwright, and he, he was dejected. Nothing worked. He was on his horse one night in the middle of the night in the dark, and a, a light was shining. And he said, I'm gonna go stay at that inn. He rode his horse to that inn and he went inside and he said, I'm just tired and discouraged. Is there a room? And the inkeeper said, I have one room, but there's a guy next door and he's sick. And in fact he's, he's dying. He's crying out in pain. So if you can handle it, that's the only room I have. And he's like, I'm fine. He had hardened his heart so much to even care about life and death that he didn't think it would matter to him. And a and Iru Judson said through the whole night, this person was crying out in his pain. And he started questioning those things that God had reminded him of from when he was a child. And through the night, he started thinking, What if it were me facing eternity? What if it were me? What if there is a God? And then he said, What would Jacob Eames think if he even knew I was doubting all of this stuff and how much he might mock me? And somewhere in the night it got quiet. And in the morning, Judson was checking out of the inn. He asked the Inkeeper what happened with that man? And the innkeeper said, Well, um, he died in his sleep. And for some reason, Aden Iram Judson said, Can I ask what his name was? And the Inkeeper said his name was Jacob Eames. It was the very friend that he had made in college that had turned his heart away from the Lord. And with that realization, Aden Iru Judson was brought to repentance. He went home to his Puritan parents. He went to seminary. He ended up going to India as a missionary. He translated the Bible into the Burmese language. And over 7,000 people came to Christ as a result of his ministry. If you know a prodigal, you know, what we moms have to remember is the Puritan preacher's wife wasn't chasing, uh, Judson around trying to fix his life or to rescue him from his consequences. We have to trust that we're not alone in this, and that God is more interested in the man that your son is gonna become than you are. And if God has his hand on that child's life, even if he's a prodigal, just like the story of the prodigal that Jesus told that Father watched the horizon, but he didn't go rescue him. That son was slop in the pigs. But the father waited. And I, I believe prayed. And there is wonderful, wonderful stories. Um, I'm not gonna spend anymore, but I know a lot of women who have raised prods. And when those guys come back, they turn the world upside down. There's another section in the book that's called People pleasing, isn't pleasing. In Isaiah 43, the Bible says that we are created. God says, I created you for my glory. And the word glory means to represent his character, to reflect, to magnify God. Ladies, if we want to create an appetite in our sons and our daughters to wanna know our savior, they have to see him living out in us. They have to see reflected in him so that they have an appetite to know him. They don't wanna just see religious ladies doing religious things. They wanna see women. Because if I'm loving God properly, what spills out of me is then what's the second commandment that Jesus said that you will love others properly. And how has that happened? Because God loves them through me. As I'm falling in love with my savior, as I'm keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus, the author, the finisher of my faith, He is leading me in the path of righteousness for his namesake. He's loving through me. Not only those people at church that are sometimes hard to love, hard to love, but those 12 year olds that are always a little bit hard to love<laugh>. And those two year olds that were like, You're gonna go to prison one day,<laugh>. But as we love God properly, what happened? This is what happened to me. And this is what's the value of having good mentors in your life? When I married my husband, he was, uh, he'd come home from Bible college, He was a contractor, made good money. That's who I married. God tricked me because he became a preacher. And I, well, I didn't know. Um, but I remember when my, one of my daughters was young. She was skipping through the church, making noise after church, but making noise. And I kept shushing her in a friend of mine who is one of our mentors, he said, Why do you care? Is it religiously wrong? Give a conviction about her skipping and making noise? No, I just don't want her to do it. And he kept pressing me till I finally said, Cuz I don't want people to think I'm a bad mom. And he said, Exactly, do not raise your children for what other people think of you or you will ruin them. And I didn't know I was raising a pastor's kid. You know how many know stories, terror, horror stories about pks, right? But a lot of times it's because as pastors we say, I saw you talking in church and when you're talking in church, how do you think that makes your dad look? Or you can't wear that to church because what will the church think if you wear that? And that works until they get about 10, 11 or 12. And then they go, Oh, so this isn't about what's best for me. This is about how good you and dad look. Oh, hang on a minute, let me show you what I'm gonna pierce and then we'll see how good you look<laugh>. And we hand them this burden of making us look good. And moms, we can be glory Steelers. And that's idolatry. God called us to reflect his glory. Uh, I don't know how many of you know the band for King and for King and Country, Luke Small Bone, uh, Rebecca St. James. Do you know her? That these are her little brothers? They're great. They're doctrine is sound I love for King and Country. And I got to interview Luke for my book. And he said this, this is a quote that he said about his mom. No, it's not here. I'll read it to you later. But what he said about his mother was he told me a story when he was playing tennis, uh, on the tennis team. He was from Australia, adorable Australian accent. And he said he was playing tennis in a tournament. He was really good. And he started losing a match that he should have won. So he threw his racket down, threw a fit in front of everybody. Um, and his mom got up and walked out and he thought she just went to the bathroom or whatever and she never came back. So after the whole day's tournament, he found her in the car and he sat in the car and he said, Where'd you go? I thought you just went to the bathroom. And she said, I will not be a witness to my son, dishonoring my Lord like that. And he lived in Australia and he said, There's not a lot of Christians there. And the the small bone family are very well known as Christians when they lived there. They're in America now. And he said, What what struck me was she could have just as easily said, You embarrassed me so much and I will not sit there and be embarrassed by you. But he said, because she didn't care about her reputation, but she was helping me see that I'm reflecting Christ on that tennis court. And when I react that way, it's telling everyone that what we believe about Christ is not real. That made a difference in his life. And moms, we have to understand we are teaching our kids. We're we're, we need to help them understand they're leaving our homes tools to autonomy is teaching them, I'm raising you so that you can glorify the Lord. And if you choose to do that, once you leave our house, God is gonna do amazing three things through your obedient life. Uh, it's, it's uh, helping them understand our reputation is not what's at stake. And inviting mentors into your life to help you see that is really valuable. So make friends with old people and you're not alone. Everybody say, I'm not alone. You're in good company. God is with you. Philippians two 13 says, For it is God who works and you both to willing to do his good pleasure. Isn't that cool? You know, the Bible says if you delight yourself in the Lord, he'll give you the desires of your heart. I used to think that meant yay God, gimme what I want. But what it means is as I fall in love with him, as I delight in who he is, he whispers to my heart what He, the Bible says that he saved me into good works. That he ordained in advance, that I should walk in before the foundations of this world. And I'm talking fast, keep up because God said I dreamed a dream for you and I dreamed a dream for your son and your daughters. And I'm the one that's at work in them and in you to perform what I had planned for them, right? But we get a idea as a mom, we see the glimpse of it and then we start pushing and we start shoving. And God's go get your eyes off of that and get your eyes on me and then let me do through you what I'm gonna put in your heart to do. Ladies, I don't know why I wrote a book and I'm writing my next one for Harvest House. It's called, Are you Ready? If my husband would change, I'd be happy. And other myths wives believe because in 15 years of adult ministries watching wives drag their husbands into my husband's office to for counseling and they're like, Okay, fix him so we could be happy. It's like, Okay, let's write a book about that. But I am not a writer and what God has opened up in my life this season, I'm a I'm a empty nester. I wanna be shopping and hanging out with my friends. I wanna be playing with my granddaughter. And God said, I got a plan for your life. And he makes it irresistible. And he opens doors that I can't even begin to tell you. But that's a whole nother story. God will help you. I'm gonna give you some scriptures real quick. Second Chronicle 16, nine, the eyes of the Lord, Room two and fro throughout the whole earth seeking whose heart is perfect toward him so he can show himself mighty on your behalf. He's on your side. You're not alone. Be not afraid nor dismayed for I will uphold you with my right hand, I will help you. I love that. Psalm 32, 8, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will guide you with my eye team Jesus. Yeah. He's gonna tell you He's gonna, he's gonna lead you and direct you. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are open to their cry. That's Psalm 34 15. So what's our job? To have God's eyes be on us? Us we have to be righteous. First of all. We have to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I don't have time to talk about that right now. If you don't know him, it will rock your world. It's what you're put on this planet for this book is selling thousands of copies in the secular environment. I am an evangelist and speaker at heart, not a writer God has taken the gospel out to, I don't even know where. And I'm in awe of that. It explains in the appendix how to have a relationship with Jesus. If you're wondering what this crazy, crazy lady is talking about, that's it. And yes, I am crazy about my relationship with Christ. First Corinthians two, nine says, No, I have seen, no ear has heard no mine can conceive what God has in store for those who love him. You can't even dream it. Your job's to love him. Your job is to adore him through. And and here's what's you have to understand ladies. God says in the Bible, you thought I was altogether like you. He's not who we perceive him to be. He's not like your daddy and he's not like the sugar daddy you want him to be or the stuff that you see, um, misrepresenting the character of Christ. But if you want to know God and be able to trust him with your future, with your son, with your children, you have to know him through the pages of scripture. Go back through all those stories and of, of David and Goliath and all those stories of Abraham and Sarah. Yeah, we know what those guys did. What did God do in that situation? God sent a lion and a bear to David. Okay, that doesn't work in my prosperity doctrine world where God wants everything to be good and happy and okay, but why did God allow that in David's life? Why did God send that in David's life? Because God knew the giant that David was gonna fight one day and God needed to prepare him. What did David say to Saul when he tried to put the armor on him? That's not gonna work. I'm not gonna do it the world's way, but I do know this, that God's in a lion and a bear and God gave me victory and he's certainly gonna give me victory over this giant ladies in our lives. There are going to be lions and bears in our son's lives. And be careful cuz you're homeschool moms and it's easy to keep kids in a bubble and not let them experience some of the things where we rescue them. What do we learn about David's mom? Do you know? We don't even know her name. The woman who raised like the king of Israel, she doesn't even get a shout out. That's not fair, Jessie. We know his name, we know his grandma, we know David's grandma's name. But God said, ah, I'm not gonna not gonna give you her name, but what we do know is she wasn't fighting his battles for him. And I gotta tell you, if my son came home and said, Hey dad, I killed a bear yesterday out when I was taking care of the sheep, I'd be like, Baby, send a servant because he is not going back out there. But God knew. And ladies, my my kids have had lions and bears in their life. Um, I'm gonna share my son Brandon's story. When he was six years old, he was diagnosed with epilepsy. I wanted to be so mad at God. And you know, if you hide God's word in your heart, you won't sin against him. So as you're having conversations with him, the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than a two edge sword. And as I'm saying, God, this isn't fair. And I hate this. I'm hearing in the still small voice in my heart and everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Now, I know that's not Ronda's idea because I'm wanting to say this is so unfair and this isn't great. And I stopped and I was able to say, I don't know how. And I don't know what good you can make come of this, but I know you're good and I know my eyes are on you. I love that scripture. My eyes, eyes are on you Lord, my eyes are on you. I will trust you. And God has molded in my son a musician. And what he has done in Brandon, I would've ruined him. I was coaching Cheerlead high school cheerleading in Texas. Do you know what that's like? That's a cult<laugh>. I would have sent that boy out to be an athlete. And here's what God taught me. I wanted to hear the crowd glory in Brandon's accomplishments. You know, hit one outta the park, you know, shoot that hoop or whatever. And God had to get me out of the way and take it outta my control. There's a section in my book called Control Freaks, Race Freaks. And you know I'm right and God got me out of the way and he said, I am gonna take your son to lead the crowd to glory in my son's accomplishments through worship. I would've ruined him. And yet what if when the Lord had said in everything if thanks, I had said, No, I don't trust you. And I quit. I've got 200 teenagers in my house every Wednesday night. I made 10,000 hotdogs last year for these kids and I quit. If you're gonna do that, then I'm not gonna be on team Jesus anymore. I know women that do that. And the the root of bitterness defiles many. Not only you defiles your marriage, it defiles your kids and it takes you down a path that God can't work mightily on your behalf cuz you're not walking it. Righteousness. We need to be as ruthless with our own sin as we are with everyone else's ladies, and ask the Lord to show us what he wants to purify in our hearts. Susanna Wesley, we talk about her in there. Listen to this quote. Her son owed a great deal to his mother. In fact, it has been said that she takes rank with the most celebrated mothers that history recalls these characteristics displayed in her life. And after, for afterward reflected in her son Spurgeon's quote about his mom and his brother James. Also Charles Spurgeon said, I cannot tell how much I owe to the solemn of the solemn words of my good mother. James Spurgeon said, Mother was an exceptionally devout and gracious woman. She was the starting point of all the greatness and goodness of any of us. By the grace of God. By the grace of God. Ladies, don't you want that for your, for your son to say that about you. Billy Graham, When, when he surrendered to, um, I'm just gonna read the quote soon after his conversion. Billy's mother set aside a period every day to pray solely for Billy. And the calling that she believed was his Luke small bone that I was talking about earlier. Here's his quote, My mother is strong, compassionate, caring, all mixed into one. She raised me with incredible care and honesty. I probably owe all that I am and have achieved to my mom because when a man is left by his mother, he can end up doing great things. We know that's true and we wanna have them assume that they love them. And I I don't have time to talk about, um, I'll just give you a little peek. When our sons are young, love a snot out of them ladies, let them know for a fact this woman loves me and she'll throw herself on in front of a train for me. But when they hit middle school age, they start pushing you away. And I, I know. And you're like, Wait a minute. It's you and me against the world buddy. What's going on? But we have to understand, there's no coming of man ritual in our culture for our sons to say, I wish there was, I wish I could walk on hot cools, kill a that calf pee on a rock. We'll have a party. You're a man. I wish we could do that. But we don't. The only thing that we have is they get, I don't wanna be a momma's boy. And so when they hit 10, 11, 12, and you'll know when it is, it's in their eyes and in their armpit hair that you'll be like, Okay, here it comes. And they start pushing us away because they don't wanna be a mama's boy. And moms, we freak out, especially as homeschool moms cuz we're like, No, we're in this together. And we grab and we control harder and we try to. And the harder that we try to hold, the more they push us away or we turn'em into mama's boys. And if you do that, your daughter-in-law's gonna hate your stink and guts. So don't do that<laugh>. And what we need to remember is, okay, I need to hand him his manhood because if you don't hand it to him, he's gonna fight you for it. And men crave respect. That's why the Bible says husbands love your wives. Wives see it to that you respect your husbands. Loving comes naturally to us and nurturing and mothering comes naturally to us. But all of a sudden, when those little boys hit that 10, 11, 12, they want you to respect them as men starting off, hand them over to their father and whatever the if they don't have, if you don't have a godly father in your family, these are my boys, this is Tony and this is Brandon. Tony didn't come live with us until he was 15 years old and we became his parents and my husband became his father in the faith. He's a fighter pilot in the Air Force. He has two kids, wonderful godly wife. And you can read Tony's story in, in the book as well. But what you have to understand is Timothy was raised by a woman and her grandmother, I his grandmother, and remember the Bible says his dad was not a believer. And the way that this, the structure of it implies is that his father probably wasn't even alive when the Apostle Paul came on the scene. But whether he was or not, his mom was spiritually single. And yet God ordas in his family of God that he brings godly mentors into the lives of our sons. But we have to be willing ladies to say, Okay, I don't know how to be a man, but I'm gonna hand you over to this father, or I'm gonna hand you over to this and my husband has mentored and, and so many young men and I am going to let them be the final authority. And that's hard. And my husband told me I'm gonna do this, but if you take it back, you're gonna ruin him. So that means if my husband says, Yeah, you can go, you know, in the car up there and go to Jack in the box with your friends. And I'm going, No, he cannot. Do you know that she's had five tickets for, you know mm-hmm Behind closed doors in a respectful manner? I can say that to my husband. Hey babe, just want you to know, but in front of the kids, dad's a boss. And then, you know, when, when we did that to Brandon, Brandon was like, Hey, can I go? And I'm like, I gotta ask your dad. And well he's in counseling, I can't interrupt him. I'm sorry if I give you permission, I've disobeyed your father and I'm not willing to do that. And it set. And guess what? All a sudden we weren't butting heads anymore. All of a sudden I was the damsel in distress that needed him to take the heavy gar the heavy, uh, groceries outta my trunk. But we have to say, I'm gonna find ways to respect them as a man and to hand them their manhood. So with that, and I know I talk fast, but you guys are Californian, so you can listen way faster in Texas. I have to slow it way down and talk like this<laugh>. And they only get half for their money. What they could have gotten if I could talk faster. Uh, anyways, so my son Brandon's gonna come up, if you don't mind. And Brandon's so graciously, he lives in Riverside. He just moved here. He was in Nashville. And so I'm like, Hey dude, do you wanna come and talk to the moms? And I homeschool Brandon all the way through high school and you can see he's not weird. And I think sometimes, sometimes moms wanna see like, Oh, am I doing this okay or whatever. So, uh, thank you for being here. Um, Brandon, what do you want me to tell him about you? He's married, that's his wife, Jesse. They've been married for a year and, uh, he<laugh> Brandon just took a job as a worship leader at, uh, The Grove. Um, he's leading worship on Sunday nights at The Grove Riverside. It's in Riverside. And um, he was in Nashville. He's had opportunities to, um, he was a stage manager, guitar tech for casting crowns and Matthew West. And um, he got to play something called a band guitar for Matthew West. It's when a guitar and a banjo has a baby. And, um, Very cool. Uh, so anyway, I just wanted to kind of ask him.